


The Portrait

by prairiegirl



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, glamberts big bang - Fandom, kradam - Fandom
Genre: AU, Glamberts Big Bang, Kradam, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-04
Updated: 2010-08-04
Packaged: 2017-10-10 22:44:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 41,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/105208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prairiegirl/pseuds/prairiegirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is an AU set in 1969 in Santa Fe, New Mexico.  Adam is an artist and a loner.  Kris is the son of a rich local rancher.  They meet when Adam is commissioned to do Kris's portrait.  Can their relationship work in a conservative era, or are the times and Kris's dad not ready for them?  Can Adam overcome his demons?  This is a romance set in one of the most beautiful places on earth.  I hope you enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Portrait

The Portrait

 

Don't talk of love,  
I've heard the words before,  
It's sleeping in my memory,  
If I never loved I never would have cried,  
I am a rock,  
I am an island,  
And a rock feels no pain,  
And an island never cries.  
"I Am a Rock"  
Simon and Garfunkel

 

Chapter 1

Santa Fe, New Mexico 1969

Adam Lambert walked quickly down Canyon Road. His was a striking figure against the backdrop of adobe buildings. He was tall, lean, and dark-haired, with intense blue eyes. Dressed in black jeans, and long black jacket, he stood out among the other more colorful people on the street. Adam was handsome. His black hair fell in longish layers around his face, almost covering his blue eyes. People, especially women, stared at him as he walked past them with swagger and confidence.

Adam was an artist, 28, originally from Indianapolis. He had arrived in Santa Fe six months prior, after hearing about the bohemian culture, and the art movement there, and was intrigued to find not only good art, but a fascinating blend of cultures and people. The light in Santa Fe that had been described to him was also real and inspired greater work from him. He was already known as a really good artist and a bit of a loner, someone who made infrequent appearances at the myriad parties and events held in Santa Fe. Adam didn't mind having that image. He was used to it and he liked being a loner. He wasn't about to let people know all about him.

After leaving Indianapolis at age 18, Adam had first headed to New York and attended Cooper Union in the City. He stayed for a year, learning about art and mostly about life. For the next eight years, or so, he traveled almost constantly, never wanting to stay too long in one place. Adam took what he needed from a place, learned a little more about life, and then moved on. He liked the idea that no person or idea could ever tie him down. The mystery of what was around the next corner was far more interesting.

Adam had always thought he was different than everyone else, and the longer he lived, the more he found that was true. He was passionate about art, music, and women. Adam went through women like water, adoring them for sex, but never really connecting, not on any level. Being sensual, and highly sexual, was as much a part of him as breathing. What Adam didn't know, until five years ago, after a fateful night with a cute lobster man on the coast of Maine, was that he was much more in tune with men. Adam liked men far more than women.

At first, he was freaked out about it. How could he possibly be homosexual, especially with his history with women? He wanted to forget about his chance encounter, and blamed too much drinking for what had happened. It's hard to forget, or deny an elemental truth, particularly since Adam kept finding himself attracted to men. He fantisized about men, had dreams about men, and couldn't help but stare at men he found attractive. Adam even had a preferred type of man, someone smaller than he was, masculine with a hint of romanticism.

He gave in to his desires after he learned the ways that homosexuals got together, finding sexual gratification in the back rooms of bars just waiting to be raided, and a myriad of parks and back alleys where men took him once he'd caught their eye. Living on the edge was another life experience, one he rather enjoyed. He'd never thought he was the white picket fence type of guy anyway. Adam used women when he needed them to help hide his true sexual passion, which was now ninety percent male. He could still make women happy, but he was really no longer interested. The only one pestering him about women was his mother, who wanted grandchildren sooner rather than later. That's not happening, Adam thought. Nor will my parents ever know about my little secret.

Adam was known as a good artist, someone who had the potential to be great. The one thing he'd always stuck with was his art. He'd rather stop breathing than give up painting. Adam could paint anything, nudes, landscapes, still lifes, portraits. He showed in galleries from New York to California, choosing only the ones where the gallery owners had a reputation of not screwing their artists. Settling into Santa Fe was not difficult.

Adam could afford a nice place on Canyon Road, an old adobe house with high walls surrounding a patio. The house was large, and spacious, and there was a guest house he used as his studio. Women lined up to get into that studio, but few made it in. Adam looked for something different in the models he used for his paintings. It wasn't about great beauty, but it was about sensuality.

Adam had bought the house on Canyon Road on a whim. He'd intended to rent, but something about the house changed his mind. It came partially furnished, had an amazing studio, and was charming as hell overall. He took the plunge knowing that if he wanted to leave, he could simply sell it or rent it. Money was no object, his parents were very generous, and he had a substantial trust fund. He knew he'd been born lucky that way, but tried to live on what he made from selling paintings. To Adam, that was real money, his money. He thought the house was a good investment. It was his first house and Adam took it as a good omen that Santa Fe was where he needed to be right now.

Today, he was hurrying to get to a luncheon held monthly by one of the grand dames of the art world in Santa Fe, one Katherine Thomason, a renowned portrait artist who had been involved in the Taos art scene for years. Katherine and her husband John, a gallery owner, had moved to Santa Fe the year before. They both felt the real art scene had moved to Santa Fe. Katherine had a once a month lunch for her favorite artists, a time for them all to let their hair down and talk art. It was a feather in his cap that Katherine seemed to like him so much. Even Adam would not ignore that invitation.

The luncheon was always fun. Katherine pretended to actually cook, but had her housekeeper Maria well trained in preparing for not only the lunch, but all the other parties that Katherine hosted. After lunch, when everyone had started a variety of conversations, Katherine beckoned Adam to come and sit with her. He smiled and walked over to the woman, who he could tell had once been beautiful, a quirky kind of beautiful, and interesting. Katherine didn't mince words. "Adam, I'm booked solid for months with portraits. Sweetie, would you be interested in doing a portrait for Neil Allen? He's got a ranch outside of Santa Fe, family's been there for years. He wants me to do his son, Kris. I told him I couldn't, but said I'd find someone."

"A commissioned portrait? I don't know, Katherine," Adam said, not sure that's what he wanted to do right now.

"It's not as bad as you think. I know you've done it before. This would be a favor to me, and Neil Allen will pay very well just on my recommendation."

"If you put it like that, then I'm flattered. Okay, sure, I can fit it in."

"Good," Katherine said. "I'll have him call you in a few days. Thanks, sweetie, for helping me out. We don't want to disappoint Neil Allen."

Adam could see that Katherine was in tune with the political and social aspects of the scene in Santa Fe, which was something he had no interest in. If it would help his career without him having to make much effort, why not?

Someone new had joined their little group lunch. Katherine enjoyed introducing new people she liked and thought were good artists, and give them kind of a trial run with the group. Adam thought it was amusing that the group was all men, and Katherine. He wondered idly if she was playing with anyone, perhaps one of the older guys.

Adam walked over and sat down next to the new guy, Vlad Blerinca. Vlad was from Romania and had lived through the war. He was an interesting guy, and cute too, Adam thought. He was pretty good at spotting guys like himself, but he wasn't sure about Vlad. The accent was putting him off, and the attitude, but still.

"Great to meet you, Vlad," Adam said.

"Same here, Adam is it?"

"Yeah. So I hear you know Katherine from Taos."

"We go back a way, yeah. I've seen your paintings, Adam. Good stuff."

"Thanks, Vlad. I like your stuff, too," Adam said, looking Vlad over, stopping at the strong muscled arms, taking in the thick neck, the sculptured cheekbones, and the deep eyes that sparkled.

Vlad noticed, and looked into the blue eyes, staring for a moment. Then he smiled. "I think we'll be great friends, Adam, yes?"

"I'm sure we will," Adam said, with just a hint of a smile. "You should stop by my studio sometime. I'm just a little way up on Canyon Road. I'll write down my address and phone number if you'd like."

"Okay, sure, maybe next week sometime."

"That would be great, Vlad," Adam said, handing him a slip of paper. I would love to get my hands on those arms, and see who's stronger. What a duel it could be, thought Adam.

As evening set in, Adam thought about his conversation with Vlad earlier in the day. He was feeling horny as hell, and decided to go out and try to end the drought. There were no official gay bars in Santa Fe, but he had met a few men in different bars. Discretion was the key to success in Santa Fe. Adam found it difficult, because whenever he went out at night, women were the pursuers, and that sure as hell didn't work when you were trying to find guys. He decided on an out of the way place where he'd found success before, and give it another try.

People stared at him as he walked into the bar. Adam knew he was good looking, but was always a little amazed at the attention he drew. It's not like I'm really trying, he thought. Adam sat down at the bar and ordered a double scotch. He tried to look around but not too obviously. It was a weeknight, so the crowd was rather sparse. A man at the end of the bar nodded to him. Adam looked at him carefully, thinking, He'll do for what I want right now. He looked at the man's drink, then signaled the bartender to give another one to the man. After the bartender gave the man his drink and gestured toward Adam, the man looked at Adam giving an almost imperceptible nod towards the back of the bar. Adam nodded, and watched as the man headed toward the back. After a few moments, Adam followed him.

The man pulled Adam into a small room near the restrooms, and closed the door. Adam grabbed the man, pushing him down onto his knees in front of him. Adam unfastened his own jeans, pushed them down, and grabbed the man's head. The man looked up at Adam, and smiled. "That's one beautiful dick," the man said.

"I know it is, so suck it," Adam growled, and pulled the man's head toward him. The man eagerly started sucking Adam, moaning in the process. Adam's hand were in the man's hair, pulling it, urging him forward, urging him to take him all the way into his throat. "I knew you could do it," Adam said, breathing hard. He started fucking the man's mouth, hard, fast, gratified that the man could keep up with him. "Honey, yeah, like that, good boy...keep going," Adam groaned. Adam was out of control now, and was merciless, relentless, the man helpless to do anything but keep up with Adam's demands. Adam knew the man liked it. His moans became louder, he was sucking him hard, the way Adam liked. "Good, honey, almost there...just like...that, honey," Adam groaned deep in his throat as he came. Adam wouldn't let the man go until he swallowed, and swallowed some more. "Good boy," Adam said, petting the man's hair a little.

Adam zipped back up, and turned to leave the room. "Maybe I'll see you again sometime, honey," Adam said, smiling just a little. The man just nodded, seemingly unable to speak. Adam left the room, and the bar. Life is much better after a decent blow job, he thought. He walked to his house on Canyon Road, ready to spend the night alone. Before he went to sleep that night, he reminded himself to find a woman to go out with. He knew he needed to be seen out with a woman once in a while. If he was in the mood, he might even fuck her. He smiled to himself as he remembered how much women liked his dick. He laughed to himself a little as he rolled over and drifted off to sleep.

 

Chapter 2

Two days later, Adam got a call from Neil Allen who requested a meeting to discuss commissioning Adam to do a portrait of Neil's son, Kris. They agreed to meet two days later at Adam's studio. Adam wasn't too excited about the portrait. Painting Western scenes and cowboys wasn't his idea of fun. He realized that he was surrounded by Western art, but had no desire to produce any of it. Maybe he could find a way to make the son of a cowboy more interesting. Katherine better appreciate this, Adam thought. It is an easy way to make several thousand dollar though, so why not.

The appointment was for two p.m. Adam hoped that Neil Allen was the punctual type, because he wanted the interview over as quickly as possible. He'd pulled photographs of some of the portraits he'd done, because he wasn't sure how much of his art Allen had seen. Adam was currently working on a series of landscapes in and around Santa Fe. The area was still very new to him, so he enjoyed exploring, and found inspiration around every corner. Adam had found a gallery, too, one of the better known Santa Fe galleries. They'd already sold several of his paintings, and the owner had requested more landscapes.

The Allen's were punctual, arriving just after two p.m. Neil Allen introduced himself after Adam opened the front door of the house. He was a man in his fifties, on the short side, lean, with a lined face that showed over-exposure to the sun and dry mountain air. Adam stepped outside, extending his hand. He was then introduced to Kris Allen. The man was standing just behind his father. The afternoon sun was at his back, and he was outlined in the sunlight. Kris was no more than five-eight or nine, with a compact, but muscled body. It took all of Adam's strength not to stare too long at Kris. God, he's beautiful, Adam thought. The jawline is strong, rather determined looking, and the eyes, such an amazing deep shade of brown. Are those little specks of orange? he wondered. "Hello, Kris. It's a pleasure to meet you," Adam said, feeling Kris's warm and firm handshake. Look at that shy smile, Adam thought. The curve of the mouth is amazing.

When Kris saw Adam, the world seemed to slow down. Standing in front of him was the most gorgeous man he'd ever seen, tall, lean, confident. The jet black hair glowed in the sunlight, and hung softly around high cheekbones. The eyes were the most amazing thing though, icy blue, and piercing, looking way down into him, holding nothing back. The man was vital, more alive than any living thing he'd ever seen or known.

"Hi, Adam," Kris said quietly.

Adam led them to his studio, which was just across the courtyard. Neil Allen was telling Adam how Katherine had done portraits of both him and his wife, but she was too busy to do Kris's for the foreseeable future. They wanted a representational portrait of Kris. "We're not into that modern stuff, Adam. Katherine assured me that you were a great representational artist. Is that true?"

"I can go either way," Adam said, looking at Kris. He's either shy, or the strong, silent type, thought Adam. "If you want realism, I can do that. Come on in, I'll show you what I've done." He opened the studio door and ushered them in.

The large main room had a huge North light window. Adam had gotten lucky with that. An artist had obviously lived here before him. The studio smelled of paint, and especially turpentine. There was a large easel in the middle of the room with a table on either side. One table held jars of brushes, the other a myriad of paint tubes and a glass palette. A large, half-done canvas of a landscape was on the easel. The walls were covered with paintings, some framed, some not. They represented almost all aspects of Adam's work, from landscapes, to portraits, nudes, and still lifes. Most were impressionistic, but many were more realistic. A few more abstract paintings were there, too.

Both of the Allen's looked around, taking it in. Adam pulled out photographs of portraits he'd done and handed them to Neil. "These are impressive," Neil said. "How long does it take to complete a portrait?"

"How long depends on how long the subject wants to sit. I've done portraits with photographs and a color sketch, but I prefer not too. It's not the same as having the person in front of you. I think the end product is worth the time invested. I'd need two or three hours a day, at the same time every day, for a couple of weeks at least, maybe longer. It all depends on how many days you can spend each week."

Neil looked at Kris, and said, "What do you think, Kris?"

Kris shrugged, and said, "Sure, sounds fine. Afternoons would be best for me, say around one, maybe three days a week."

"That'll be fine, Kris. I'd just need to know what days so I can plan my schedule."

Kris looked at Neil with a question in his eyes. Neil said, "I think we can make Wednesday through Friday work. I'll have Randy take over for you on those afternoons, Kris."

They agreed on a price, to be paid at delivery, and sealed it with a handshake. They'd start the following Wednesday, which was five days away. "We've got to be going, Adam. I can't wait to see the finished product." Neil looked at Kris and said, "Next Wednesday, one p.m., okay?"

Kris nodded 'yes.'

"Thank you, Adam," Neil said holding out his hand again. Adam shook Neil's hand, then Kris's. Was that a hint of a blush on Kris's cheeks, Adam wondered.

When they were gone, Adam sat down in a seating area next to a wall in the studio. He thought about the portrait of Kris, and really, he thought about Kris. He's different, Adam thought. I wonder what's going on down inside that quiet exterior. Adam was excited about this project and he knew it was because of the subject. Kris is so your type, Adam, he thought. There's something in those eyes. I wonder, Could he possibly like men, and not girls? He's so shy. Probably doesn't have many girlfriends. Of course, he's a catch, being a rich rancher's son, but still. If he does prefer men, then he's closeted big time. Might be hard to get him out of that shell. I always did like a challenge, he thought.

Adam spent the next few days finishing up a couple of landscapes and kept mostly to himself. He did a lot of thinking, too, on his scouting trips around Santa Fe. The vistas went on forever and he was entranced. They were beautiful and lonely, like he was, a beautiful, lonely man, who preferred it that way. Rolling stones definitely do not gather moss, he thought, Nor do they cry, they just keep rolling. That's the way he saw himself. Adam found comfort in the idea that no one could ever catch him, and never get beyond the surface, not too far, anyway.

On Saturday, Adam went to an evening gallery opening for one of his new famous artist friends. You have to support the troops, Adam, if you want them to support you when it's your turn. So he went, expecting little, except endless chatter and profound sentiments on the meaning of art and life.

Adam had planned on leaving early, but when Eva showed up he changed his mind. He got another glass of wine and made his way over to her. Eva was very pretty, with dark brown hair, and dark, almost black eyes. She was outgoing, laughed a lot, and was a flirt. Adam also knew that she liked him, as was evidenced again when he said hello to her. When Eva heard his voice, she turned toward him and wrapped her hands around his arm.

"Hello, my Adam," she purred, smiling up at him. Eva was small, with a curvaceous body, one he was sure he would like, if, well...if he liked girls. Too bad it's not Kris, Adam thought, and wondered where that thought came from.

"Hi, Eva, and how are you this evening?" Adam purred back.

"Much better now that you're here, Adam. I haven't seen you in a long time. Where do you hide out? Do you have a girlfriend I don't know about?"

"Would I cheat on you, Eva?" Adam said, and laughed. "I've just been busy and I'm not much of a social butterfly anyway. I prefer other pursuits."

"You'll have to show me, Adam, these other pursuits of yours," Eva said, smiling suggestively.

"Maybe I will," Adam said, just as suggestively. Do I really want to do this tonight, he thought. Maybe I could just leave with her, and then lose her. Lose her how, Adam? he wondered. Maybe a few kisses would do the trick, give the illusion I want to give. He pulled Eva behind a partition that was semi-private. Adam knew people would see them there, but that they'd appear to be hiding.

He kissed Eva suddenly, surprising even her. It was a long, passionate kiss. Adam put his arms around her and she moaned softly. "You're full of surprises tonight, Adam."

"You're so beautiful, Eva, you can't blame me."

She responded by putting her tongue in his mouth, almost begging Adam to kiss her like that again. Her hand moved to his groin, and she began rubbing him, then grinding herself up against him. Even Adam was a little turned on by this display. He groaned into her mouth and she became more passionate, more insistent. Adam took her hand and said, "Come with me, Eva." He headed to a storeroom in the back of the gallery. He noticed people looking at them as he swept Eva away. You know she'll brag to everyone about this, Adam thought.

He pulled Eva into the room, closed the door, and began kissing her again. She was responding wildly now, moaning loudly, running her hands through Adam's hair, and down his face. Adam pushed her hands to his groin and held them there. "Eva, please, Eva..." Adam said, moving his hands against his now hard dick. "Baby, please, undo the pants...good girl, mmm." He kept kissing her, then encouraging her to do what he wanted.

"You are so beautiful, Eva. I want you so much, baby." He pulled his dick out from his pants, while pushing her down. "Lick it, Eva, please, baby." Eva licked Adam and he encouraged her. "Eva, I want to see your beautiful mouth sucking me, please, baby, mmm, good girl." He put both his hands in her hair and watched her suck him. "That is so good, baby. You are so good. I love it," Adam groaned. "A little harder, mmm, like that, mmm," he groaned, and pulled her head closer, forcing his dick farther into her mouth.

Eva moaned the whole time, seeming to enjoy every moment. Adam became more insistent, pushing into her mouth frantically, hard, fast, all the time moaning encouragement. "Honey, Eva, going to come...all for you, baby...ohhh," Adam groaned and came into Eva's beautiful mouth. He pulled her up and kissed her, licking all around her mouth.

"That was beautiful, baby, so good," Adam said.

Eva wanted to keep kissing Adam, but he pulled back gently and said, "Eva, we'd better get back. We don't want people to talk, do we?"

"But, Adam...okay, I know. You are just so amazing, Adam. I need you all to myself in a room for the night."

"Eva, honey, I can't tonight, not tonight. I wish I could. Another night soon, okay?"

"Oh, Adam, I know you want to," Eva almost pleaded.

"I do, Eva, I do, but I have plans. I can't change them now, too late. Another night, I promise. We really need to get back to the party now."

"Okay, Adam, but I insist on a rain check."

Adam helped her straighten her clothes, then his own. He kissed her one more time, a short, sweet kiss.

Mission accomplished, Adam thought, as he and Eva returned to the party. Vlad walked up to him and said, "Nice party, huh, Adam?" and winked at him. Maybe he's not gay, Adam thought.

Adam left soon after, thanking the Gods that Eva wasn't more insistent. He couldn't imagine spending a whole night with her. Pretty good blow job, he thought, Good enough for tonight. Adam walked home alone, enjoying the freedom he felt walking down the old streets. There was something in the air at night in Santa Fe, something as wild and untamed as he was. He felt excited and he didn't know why, just a feeling he had that something big was going to happen. Adam was on top of the world.

The day before the first portrait session, Adam got the studio ready. He found the right spot for Kris to sit in the afternoon light. He had no idea what kind of background he would use for Kris's portrait. That would depend on Kris, on what he was about. Adam felt so curious and excited about what would happen the next day. He's so cute, you might be distracted, thought Adam. I'm sure he likes girls, but maybe...there's something about him that's interesting and untold. He hoped that Kris would talk with him, that he would be willing to let Adam know him, at least a little. Adam, he may be a lot like you, a loner who likes it that way. What a pair that would be, he thought.

 

Chapter 3

On Wednesday morning, Adam stretched a large canvas for the portrait. He didn't know exactly what he was going to do, but he knew it would be fairly large. He pulled out paper and charcoal, and pastels for color sketches, and stretched another, smaller canvas in case he wanted to do a color sketch with oils. He also spent a bit longer than usual getting ready, using more of his special products than usual, just a hint of eyeliner, hair combed back a little, just so, really tight jeans, tight white tee-shirt, sleeves rolled up ala James Dean. That look gets 'em every time, he thought. Just in case Kris is possibly, maybe, partial to guys. I hope. Great, Adam, he thought, You going to seduce your portrait subject in the studio, is that it?

Adam was sitting in the courtyard when Kris arrived, opening the gate tentatively. He saw Adam, and smiled a little crooked smile, and said, "Hi, Adam. It's one, right?"

"Right on time, Kris." Adam said, getting up. "How's it going?" Mmm...nice tight jeans, and plaid? Just a peak of the tee-shirt under the plaid. That little piece of white is begging me to touch it, Adam thought.

"Great. It's kind of nice to have a different kind of day. I really haven't looked around Santa Fe for a while. We're real busy on the ranch."

"Yeah, I guess you would be. So is that all you do?"

"Mostly, yeah. My dad has help, but he needs me to help with certain things."

"So, ranching is your...career, let's say."

"Yeah, guess it is," Kris said, as he looked around. "It's pretty out here."

Adam really hadn't paid that much attention to the courtyard, but looking around, he saw what Kris meant. "Yeah, it's old isn't it. Been here for a while. Rustic, I guess."

"Peaceful," Kris said.

"Let's go inside," Adam said, pointing to the studio.

"Okay."

"Let's sit you down in this chair here to start," Adam said, and stood back near his easel, looking at the way Kris looked in the steady North light. "Not bad, but let's move you over here a little. There, the light's hitting you just right there." God, he looks beautiful, the angle of that jaw is more amazing than I realized. What is with the hair? Bedroom hair, he thought. Looks like he just got out of bed after a long night of...great sex. Maybe he did.

Adam pulled up a chair, and sat down opposite Kris, with paper and charcoal. There was a little smile on Kris's face as he watched Adam move around, getting what he needed.

Adam was a little surprised to find Kris staring at him, a ghost of a smile on his face, as he settled into his chair. The eyes are open, honest, really deep, thought Adam. He's not afraid to look at me. "I'm going to sketch a little while we talk," Adam said, looking directly into Kris's eyes. "Want to tell me about yourself?"

"Like what?" Kris asked.

"Like, what do you do every day, for starters."

"I've worked on the ranch since I was a kid," Kris said. "I do most everything that needs doing. I've even been on a couple of cattle drives."

"Is that so?" Adam said. "And what's that like?"

"It's hard. Not something I'd want to do every day. It's a part of running a cattle ranch."

"It's what you do, though, run a ranch. I'm assuming...since your dad owns it," Adam said, looking at Kris's jaw line again.

"I guess," Kris said.

"Have you always wanted to be a rancher?"

"No. My daddy wants me to be a rancher."

Adam looked up at Kris, finding his eyes, and asked, "What do you want to do?"

Kris shrugged, and said, "I like playing my guitar, and singing."

"Really?" Adam said, looking surprised. "A singing cowboy."

"Yup."

"What kind of music do you like?" Adam asked, really interested now.

"I like a variety of music, folk, rock, blues...just about all of it."

"Do you play anywhere?"

"No. I'd like to try it sometime. I don't think my dad would much like that, though."

"Why not?"

"Not manly enough for him," Kris said. "He thinks artists are second class citizens, basically."

"Me too?" Adam asked, smiling.

"Especially you," Kris said. "He'd never tell you to your face, though, and he does appreciate that it's difficult to do what you do. I think he doesn't see it as real work."

"A lot of people think that. They think I hang around all day, playing with paints and brushes," Adam said, laughing. "Nothing new to me. I know better, though. Anyone who's serious about it, does."

"You don't have to convince me," Kris said, smiling a little.

"I want to hear you play, and sing, too. Why don't you bring your guitar tomorrow?"

"I might do that," Kris said, and smiled.

Adam stopped sketching, looking at Kris again. "You have a great face, Kris," Adam said. Fucking amazing face, he thought.

Adam got up and ran a finger down the line of Kris's jaw. "Strong jawline, great deep eyes, good mouth," Adam said. He's not flinching, just looking at me, Adam thought. He's not afraid of me, not at all. He's almost scary, the composure is... Wonder if he can tell he's freaking me out.

"If you say so," was all Kris said.

Adam tried to appear calm as he walked back to his easel. Just start drawing, Adam, he thought. C'mon, stop thinking about jumping him. This one deserves more. You know it.

"I'm not sure what I'm going to do with you yet, Kris," Adam said, and thought, I know what I'd like to do, though. "Soooo, I'm going to do a few more black and white sketches at different angles, and a little color palette of what I'm seeing right now, and I'll think about it a little. What shall we use as a backdrop?"

Kris shrugged, and said, "Just don't put me on a horse, or something."

"You don't want to be a cowboy?"

"No."

"Maybe we can do something that's symbolic of music," Adam said, thinking about it. "Just a hint. I know your dad wants a traditional portrait. I don't suppose you play piano, too?"

Kris smiled, and said, "How did you know? Yeah, piano too."

"You're turning into an interesting guy, Kris. A cowboy musician. Next you'll tell me you write music, too."

"Yup."

Adam smiled, and said, "Why did I know that?"

"You're intuitive. Takes one to know one, intuitive artist."

"How did a cowboy ever get to study music?"

"My mom likes music, and let me take lessons."

"You wanted to take music lessons?" Adam asked.

"Yeah."

Adam looked at Kris for a moment, and said, "Kris, turn your head just a little to the right, my right."

He walked over to Kris, took his chin in one hand, and moved Kris's face just a little. "There," Adam said, and thought, Jesus, what is in those eyes, what? "Try not to move for just a minute, okay?"

Kris didn't move. A small smile spread onto his face.

"No smiling, Kris," Adam said.

"Oh, sorry."

"Or talking," Adam said, smiling.

"Okay," Kris said, and they both burst out laughing.

"Jesus what am I gonna do with you?" Adam asked.

"I don't know, what?"

"You're gonna get it," Adam said.

"I hope so," Kris said, a little crooked smile starting.

Adam looked at Kris thoughtfully for a few moments, "Kris, are you..."

"Am I, what?"

Adam looked at him, and said, "Nothing. Never mind." He thought, I could swear he's coming on to me. Look at that little smile of his. That mouth is fucking begging to be kissed.

Adam said, "Kris, when we get there, are you going to want that plaid shirt in the painting, or do you want a different shirt?"

"All I have is plaid shirts."

"Oh." Adam said, and thought, That's kind of endearing actually. "Okay, well, I was thinking of your dad, what he might like, too, since he's the buyer..."

"Okay," Kris said. "What do you have in mind?"

"Well...I was thinking that I'd like to have you sitting at a piano, and playing, with an almost full-on face. I can see you wearing...maybe a white linen shirt, open a couple of buttons down, and wearing a long, black jacket, black jeans, and black boots."

"No string tie?" Kris said, smiling.

"No, not that. Way too cliché. More casual, but a bit formal. A little bit of cowboy, but not too cowboy. Maybe a couple of chains around your neck. More like a musician."

"I like that idea. I don't have any chains."

"I do, we'll find something."

"Okay," Kris said.

"Good. If your father doesn't like it, I can always re-do it. Okay, I think I've got what I need until tomorrow. I'll probably get a lot of this drawn in a little later, then check it with you sitting there tomorrow, and we'll be on our way."

"What time is it?" Kris asked.

"It's about 3:30. I can tell by the light."

"Really? You can tell just by the light?"

"Yeah, well I'm in here a lot. I have a clock on the desk." Adam went and looked. "Only 3:20."

"Still, that's very good," Kris said.

"Um...Kris, do you have to go right away? Maybe you'd like a beer or something, and we could talk for a while. The more I know, the better the painting Kris turn out." Say yes, c'mon, Kris, Adam thought.

"Okay. I have a little time before I'm expected back."

"Great. Let's sit outside, it's so nice today. I'll get us a couple of beers," Adam said, leading them outside.

"I hope you like Mexican beer," Adam said.

"Yup. I like it," Kris said, taking a deep drink from the bottle. "Dark and thick, the way I like it."

"Me too," Adam said, swallowing beer.

"So, tomorrow you'll bring your guitar, and play a little something?"

"Yeah, I'll remember. It isn't often that anyone wants to hear me play," Kris said, shrugging his shoulders.

Kris said, "Why don't you tell me something about you. Maybe it'll make the painting better. I can tell you're not from here, but I can't place it."

Touche, thought Adam. "I've been a lot of places, Kris, but I'm originally from Indianapolis. Left when I was 18, went to art school in New York. I've mostly kept traveling, until I found Santa Fe."

"You want to stay?"

"Probably not forever, but I like it, it's different, very bohemian, very beautiful place, an interesting place."

"Why do you move around so much?"

Adam thought for a moment, and said, "I don't like to get too set in my ways. I like the feeling that anything could happen, and I don't want to get tied down."

"How do you have friends, or...relationships?"

"I don't, really," Adam said, shrugging.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" Kris asked, looking thoughtfully at Adam.

"No, do you?"

"No."

"Who was your last girlfriend," Adam asked.

"Why?"

"Just curious, I guess"

"A while back," Kris said, and sighed. "Julie."

"And you cared about Julie?"

"Not really. It made my mom happy that I was dating."

"I see." Adam said, and thought, I need to find out.

"What about you, Adam? I bet you have lots of girlfriends."

"I could."

"But you don't?" Kris asked.

"No," Adam said. "When's the last time you were in love, Kris?"

"The last time? There was only one time I thought I might be."

"And what happened to her?" Adam asked, drinking more beer. The moment of truth, he thought.

Kris hesitated. He looked away from Adam, as if looking into a distant place only he knew about. He fidgeted a bit before looking back at Adam with a resigned look on his face. "Adam," Kris said softly, looking directly into Adam's eyes. "It wasn't a she, it was a he. His name was Ned." He looked at his beer bottle like there was nothing else on earth to look at.

"Oh," Adam said, feeling relieved, and happy and sad, and almost overjoyed. Jesus Christ, he is! Why is it such a big deal, Adam? Calm down.

"What about you, Adam? Tell me," Kris said, almost pleadingly.

Oh God, Adam thought, I have to tell him. "Kris...I understand." Adam reached out and rubbed his fingers over Kris's clenched hand. "I don't think I've ever been in love, but if I was, it would be with a...he, too," Adam said, gently, quietly. "It's okay. I get it, and no one will ever hear it from me, and now you know...about me, too...so, it's okay. Look at me, Kris...please."

Kris looked at Adam, and said, "Really? I thought so, but it's hard to, well...tell anyone."

"I know," Adam said, sadly. "I know."

Kris said, "What are we gonna do about it?"

"I don't know, Kris. I'm...very attracted to you." If you only knew how much, Adam thought. Jesus, Adam, what is wrong with you?

"I know. I've been feeling it all afternoon. I wasn't sure...I was right."

"So much for cool, distant me, huh?"

"Yeah. So much for that."

Adam smiled ruefully, and said, "I don't know, Kris. Maybe we should just get to know each other for a while before...."

"Yeah, I'd like that," Kris said, smiling shyly.

Adam smiled, and said, "Okay, good."

"I've got to go," Kris said.

"Already?"

"Yeah, I do. My dad's expecting me. There's a lot to still get done today."

Adam stood up, and said, "All right, I'll see you tomorrow, same time, same place, with guitar."

Kris smiled, and said, "Me and my guitar."

Adam reached out, putting his hand around Kris's wrist. "Kris, I...it was a great afternoon." He moved toward Kris and kissed him softly on his beautiful lips. He pulled back and looked into Kris's dark eyes. The stories in those eyes, Adam thought. God I want to hear the stories.

Kris looked into Adam's blue eyes thoughtfully. "I'll see you tomorrow," Kris said.

They walked to the gate together. Adam opened it, and said, "I'll see you then."

Adam watched Kris for a moment as he walked away. He sighed, thinking, I can't wait. God help me.

At around seven, Adam drove out to one of his favorite places. He was alone in his thoughts as he surveyed the vastness of the desert spreading out below him, hundreds of miles into the distance. A late thunderstorm was dancing on the distant mountains. The sun was low in the sky, almost ready to shut down and allow the stars to have their own show in the huge night sky. He thought, I always feel so small sitting here, like a tiny speck of nothing really. Maybe that's all I really am. He was afraid of the feeling in his stomach when he thought about today, about talking with Kris, and most of all, knowing about him. Adam wondered, too, how such a small, innocent kiss, could shake him so much. Maybe it was just the idea that Kris kissed him back. Why did it scare him so much? He's much more than a cowboy, Adam, that's why. What is this feeling I have, like a premonition? Adam didn't know. He did know that he couldn't wait to see Kris again. Tomorrow, Adam. Tomorrow.

At a ranch outside of Santa Fe, Kris Allen idly played his guitar beneath a huge old cottonwood tree. He looked out past the landscape of pinon trees to the desert and mountains in the far distance. Evening settled in on him, surrounding him with a swirl of colors as sunset gradually faded into a blanket of stars in the dark. Kris thought about the afternoon with Adam, and about his past, his one-time love for a ranch hand named Ned. He remembered the loss, and the utter sadness of it, and of never being able to tell anyone about it, not ever, not until Adam. A familiar loneliness settled in too. He was used to it but he didn't like it, didn't want it anymore. He watched and smiled when the fireflies sparked with their brilliant fireworks, showing him their small glimmer of hope in the dark.

 

Chapter 4

Adam spent the next morning working on Kris's portrait. The head and figure were drawn, which showed Kris sitting at a very roughed in baby grand piano with his hands on the keyboard. Kris's face and eyes would be looking directly out, straight at the viewer. The expression of the face would come with time. Adam planned on color-blocking the painting when Kris sat for him in the afternoon.

Adam also spent time stretching a variety of canvases, small to large. He planned on doing more sketches of Kris. Adam envisioned a collection of figure studies with Kris as the subject. These would be for him, and he didn't plan on showing Kris. There was something about Kris that was inspiring, and when inspired, Adam always ran with the muse.

As one o'clock approached, Adam found himself thinking about his afternoon with Kris the day before. He tried to put his finger on what he found so compelling about Kris, but found himself at a loss. Kris wasn't like any cowboy he'd ever met. Kris was masculine as hell, but seemed laid-back. Kris wasn't edgy, he seemed serene, happy with himself as a person, if not with what he was doing with his life. Adam wondered if Kris had thought of telling his parents about his sexual preference. Since he hadn't, and since he had dated girls for appearances, Adam assumed that wasn't something Kris was eager to do.

Your parents don't know, either, Adam, he thought. You know you're never going to tell them, you can't tell them. They're unhappy enough with the idea their son is an artist. It probably makes them wonder about you, though. Adam heard a knock at the studio door. He came out of his thoughts quickly, realizing that Kris must be here.

He opened the door and found a smiling Kris standing there, guitar case in hand. Hmm, he's wearing a different plaid shirt today, Adam thought. Nice colors, though. "Hi, Kris, on time again."

"Hi, Adam." Kris entered the room and set his guitar case down by the couch at the far end of the studio. "Guitar, as promised." Kris smiled again. "I see you've been working on something," he said, and brushed at a smudge of charcoal on Adam's cheek.

Adam wiped at the charcoal, and said, "Yeah, I get a little messy sometimes. I've got my painting clothes on today."

Adam thought, He sure looked me over. What are you thinking my little cowboy?

Kris looked at the easel, and saw that the canvas was covered. "Can I look at what you've done?" Kris asked.

"No," Adam said quickly. "Bad luck to peek, okay?"

"Okay," Kris said, a rueful smile playing on his face. He noticed stacks of canvases leaning against a wall, which hadn't been there yesterday. "You made all those yesterday?" Kris asked. "For a project or something?"

Adam hesitated, and said, "Yeah, I have a new series planned, so I'm getting ready."

"Large project," Kris mused.

"Yeah, it is. Want to get going?"

Kris said, "Let's do it," and walked to where he had sat yesterday.

When Kris was sitting, Adam pulled the cover off of the canvas on the easel. He told Kris, "Today I'm going to color block as much of this as I can. That's the first step in doing any painting. I'm hoping we have enough time today for me to do some more sketching. It helps me to get as many poses as I can. I get to understand the subject better."

"Am I a tough subject," Kris asked.

"You're a lot different than I thought you were, so, yeah, I need to know more."

"For the painting?"

"Yeah, what else?"

"I believe you," Kris said.

They were both quiet for a while as Adam worked, He stopped only to tell Kris either not to move, or to move a little. Every half-hour, Adam would stop and tell Kris to get up and move around. While they were stopped, Kris looked at the paintings hanging on every wall. The work was strong, very powerful, realistic without being photo-like. The paintings were Adam's interpretation of the subject, or subject matter, fluid and colorful.

He said to Adam, "These really are pretty amazing. Would you call these impressionistic?"

"I hate to label anything, Kris, but, yeah, I think that's what certain critics would say. I don't really care what the critics say. I'm lucky. I paint what I want, the way I want to."

"Except for portraits?"

"Except for portraits. It's a little different when something is commissioned. That's why I don't do many commissions."

"You don't need to?"

"I've been lucky, Kris."

"Well, they're good, Adam. It's good you can do what you want."

"You just have to decide to, Kris, that's all. It's up to you."

"You're probably right," Kris said, thoughtfully.

"Okay, Kris, we're almost done today, just a little more, okay?"

Adam continued blocking in the painting, the head, part of the figure. "Kris, I want to stop for today. I'd like to sketch you playing your guitar. I'm thinking that may be part of the essence of who you are. How about if we stop this part for today, and you play me a song or two?"

"We have been at this for a while, haven't we," Kris said, stretching his arms over his head. "You really want to hear me play?"

"That guitar's not here for nothing," Adam said, glancing over at the guitar.

Kris sat on the couch and pulled the guitar from the case. Adam sat on a chair next to the couch, with sketchpad and charcoal. When Kris started tuning the guitar, Adam said, "Before you start, just let me get a few quick drawings done with you and the guitar. When you sing, I want to just listen." He smiled. "Don't worry, I won't be a harsh critic."

"Okay, Adam."

Adam sketched furiously while Kris tuned up, turning over page after page, getting every impression he could of the man with the guitar. It suits him, Adam thought. It's like a part of him. Adam was elated, knowing he was on the right track now. Finally he was done. Adam was surprised to see that a half-hour had gone by. He carefully closed the sketchpad, and took it over to the easel. Later, he thought, Later, I'll figure this out.

He sat down on the chair again. "Ready?" Adam asked, smiling.

"Ready as I'll ever be, I guess," Kris said. I'm terrified, he thought, But I know I can do it.

Kris started playing a Bob Dylan song, "Lay Lady Lay." I hope he gets this, Kris thought. Doesn't have to be a woman I'm singing about.

Kris started a bit tentatively, but then forgot that Adam was listening to him. That's what music did for Kris, it took him to another place.

Lay, lady, lay, lay across my big brass bed,  
Whatever colors you have in your mind,  
I'll show them to you, and you'll see them shine  
Lay, lady, lay, lay across my big brass bed,  
Stay, lady, stay, stay with your man a while,  
Until the break of day, let me see you make him smile,  
His clothes are dirty but his hands are clean,  
And you're the best thing that he's ever seen.

Interesting song choice, Adam thought, and noticed that Kris kept looking at him, directly into his eyes, as he sang.

Kris continued, and looked at Adam again, before singing:

Stay lady, stay, stay with your man a while,  
Why wait any longer for your world to begin,  
You can have your cake and eat it too,  
Why wait any longer for the one you love,  
When he's standing in front of you.

Adam felt himself crumbling, he couldn't move, or stop watching, as he listened to Kris's amazing voice. He's singing that to me...to me, Adam thought. Jesus fucking Christ. He knows it, he means it, he means me.

Stay, lady, stay, while the night is still ahead,  
I long to see you in the morning light,  
I long to reach for you in the night,  
Stay, lady, stay, while the night is still ahead.

Kris was done. He looked up slowly, found Adam's eyes and stared directly into them. "Was it that bad?"

"Kris, no...no, I'm speechless, that was good, really good." Get a grip, Adam, he thought.

"Anything else you'd like to hear? I'm kind of hard to stop once I get going," Kris said, smiling crookedly.

"Whatever you'd like, Kris...anything," Adam managed to get out.

"I'll try one I wrote," Kris said. Ready?"

Adam just nodded.

Kris started playing a series of complicated chords that almost had a Mexican feel to them, but it was subtle. Adam watched him as he sang, thinking, This man is so passionate, I have to remember the line of his neck when he throws his head back like that.

Kris finished the song, and didn't move for a moment. He was clearly still into the song, and coming down slowly. It was a favorite song of his, about longing, loneliness, and wanting something that seemed impossible. Kris thought, I wonder if I'll ever get to tell him about what I really want. Does he even care?

Adam didn't move, either, once the song was done. He knew talent when he saw it, when he felt it. Kris has it, he thought, He really has it, just as much as you have yours. I don't care. I have to know him. Nothing is going to stop me, nothing.

"Kris...that was even better. You wrote that? Where have you been?"

Kris looked up, and looked at Adam with a shy look on his face. He's a mixture of shy and bold, thought Adam.

Kris said, "You really liked it, really?"

Adam put his hand on Kris's arm, and said, "Kris, that was one of the best things I've ever heard. I don't just say things like that unless I mean them."

"Thanks," Kris said. "I can tell you mean it."

"Kris...I hope you'll try and pursue your music. You should. I know you could play some places in Santa Fe. Are you going to try?"

Kris shrugged. "It's difficult, Adam. My daddy wouldn't like it."

"What about your mom?"

"She might like it, but she won't go against my dad."

"Don't you get time off, like a night or two off, or something?" Adam asked.

"If I have a date or something, yeah, I guess."

"Well, you need to make yourself a date with a bar, a restaurant even, maybe a coffee house, that needs weekend singers. There might even be some open mike nights."

"I'll think about it, Adam."

"Well, think hard, and fast, 'cause times a wasting, Kris."

"The painting, Kris, the painting is going to be you and your guitar."

"It is?"

"Yeah. I'll bet you're just as good on piano, but you hold that guitar like it's a lost lover. You're in love, Kris, and you're so fucking good. Promise me you'll try. I can even help you. I know lots of people now, and I can get them to listen. Maybe I'll have a party. Kris, will you play if I have a party?"

"You want me to play at your party?" Kris said, looking skeptical.

"It'll be my first party, and I want it to be good. Say you'll do it, on a Saturday night, plenty of notice. Any problem with your daddy if you attend a party with lots of artists?"

"Not if I put it like that. Are you sure?"

"Yeah. That's what I'm doing. Let's say next Saturday. I'm sure there's nothing big happening next weekend. We won't start until nine or so. Consider it done."

"I can do that," Kris said. "Thank you, Adam. That's more than nice. I hope I can live up to it, though."

"You, Kris. You're a natural. Nothing keeps us down."

"You're comparing me to yourself?"

"Different art form, that's all. You just don't know how good you are. I want you to find out."

"Why?"

"Because...it's important. You can't waste talent, you can't, no matter what else you do in your life. Not everyone gets talent, Kris."

"Is that why you're a painter?"

"Yes...but not really. I love art, it drives me, consumes me, makes everything all right for me. I'm not sure I'd make it without art."

"It's the most important thing in your life?"

"Kris, it's the only thing in my life."

"Is it the only thing you want?"

Adam hesitated, unsure what to say. "Kris, I've just about given up on anything else, okay. Nothing else matters."

Kris grabbed Adam's hand. "You're so passionate, Adam. Don't you want love, too?"

Adam looked like he'd been slapped. He didn't know what to say, and didn't know why he all of a sudden cared. "Kris...I don't know. It's a lot easier not to think about it. Love doesn't happen to people like me."

"Like you?" Kris asked, really wondering.

"I'm not easy to know, Kris, not easy."

"You're afraid," Kris said, softly.

"No," Adam yelled. He grabbed Kris, and kissed him, hard and needy, coaxing Kris to open his mouth. They explored each other, tongue against tongue, all the pent up desire in each of them pouring out. They didn't stop, couldn't stop. Adam moved next to Kris on the couch, putting his hands in Kris's hair, running his hands down Kris's face, until both were breathless and had to pull apart. Neither moved away from the other. They looked into each other's eyes and understood the truth right there, the undeniable fact that this was more than lust, much more.

"I've never...never...wanted anyone so much in my life, not ever, Kris," Adam finally managed to say.

Kris swallowed hard. "Jesus, Adam, I know...what the fuck, Adam."

Adam was shaking a little as he pulled back. "I didn't mean to scare you, Kris. Did I...I'm..."

"No. I'm not scared, but I'm worried about you."

"You see right through me, don't you?"

"I wouldn't put it that way. I don't think you know what you feel, what you're feeling right now."

"And you know?" Adam asked.

"I know I want to know."

"And?"

"And, that's all I know. I have no idea what will happen," Kris said.

"Do you want to love, to be in love?"

"Yes," Kris said. "But it's not an easy task, is it?"

"No...no, it's not," Adam said, and sighed.

"Adam, why don't we just go slow, not worry about it, just see what happens. Do you want to do that?"

"Like have a date?"

"Yeah, a date," Kris said, smiling. "As long as I get kisses like that."

"I've got plenty of kisses like that, Kris," Adam said, and kissed Kris again, slowly, sweetly, licking around Kris's mouth, biting his bottom lip.

Adam said, "Do you have to be a cowboy on Sunday?"

"I have church in the morning, but I can get away in the afternoon."

"I'd like to show you a couple of my favorite vistas around Santa Fe. Do you want to?"

"Yeah. I'd like to do that."

"I bet I can't come and pick you up at the ranch, though."

"Probably not a good idea. I'll have to come to you."

"Okay. I'll be here. Come by when you're done, and maybe stay a little while into the evening. Would that be okay?"

"Yeah. I'll make it work."

Adam smiled, and said, "Great. Our first date."

"I need a kiss to seal the deal," Kris said.

"Not a problem," Adam said, smiling.

They made out for a while. When they finally stopped, Adam and Kris were lying down facing each other on the couch. They were very close together. Adam's hands were rubbing Kris's back. Kris had his arms around Adam's neck. Kris slid his hands down to Adam's face, kissed him once more, and said, "I have to go, Adam. Wish I didn't have to, but I do."

"That's too bad, Kris. I could almost fall asleep like this."

"I know, Adam. I'll be back tomorrow for more portrait sitting."

"Mmm...yes, you will. We're making progress."

"I believe we are," Kris said. "Okay, I'm getting up now."

Reluctantly, Adam got up, and grabbed Kris's hand, pulling him up. Kris picked up his guitar case, and they headed for the door. "It's another beautiful day, Adam," Kris said.

"It is, it really is," Adam said, smiling. "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow." He opened the gate for Kris.

"Bye, Adam."

"Bye."

Adam watched Kris walk away for the second time in two days, and marveled at what could happen in a day. He was terrified, but couldn't wait to find out what would happen. Adam knew he'd never felt anything in his life like this before. He didn't know what the feeling really was, didn't trust it, but he'd already decided he had to find out what it meant.

 

Chapter 5

The next morning, Adam got a phone call from Kris. He told Adam that he wouldn't be able to portrait sit because of a ranch emergency. "My dad needs me here to help out," Kris said. "He sends his apologies. I'm sorry, Adam."

"It's okay, Kris. I can still work on it. Are we still on for Sunday?"

"Yeah. I'll come by. How about two?" Kris said.

"Great," Adam said. "Hope you get your problems solved out there."

"We just need an extra hand today. It'll be fine. Okay, I'll see you on Sunday, Adam."

Adam felt disappointed, even though he could work on the portrait without Kris being there. He just wanted to see Kris. Might as well get to work, Adam thought, after downing a couple of coffees.

Adam worked on the portrait, blocking in the guitar, and the figure of Kris playing it. The face on the canvas still faced the viewer the same way, and Adam thought he could see the expression that would be on Kris's face when the painting was done. He would need Kris to pose in different clothes and hold the guitar just so next week.

He still had a lot of time on his hands, so Adam decided to try a few oil sketches of Kris, done from the sketches from the past two days. He worked furiously for a few hours, doing sketch after sketch, inspired by the passion he felt rising from the drawings. Adam stopped only when the phone rang again, bringing him back to reality.

Vlad was calling, wanting to know if he could stop by for a little while later in the afternoon. Why not, thought Adam. I need to invite him to my party anyway. Adam realized he needed to invite other people today too. The Saturday party was only a week away. He decided it would be really casual, starting at nine p.m. He'd get lots of alcohol, and order some food from the Compound for knoshing.

Adam spent the early afternoon making phone calls, inviting everyone he knew. He told them to bring their friends. Adam hinted at a surprise, hoping to entice them. Kris was a surprise. He didn't see how anyone would not be impressed after listening to Kris play and sing. Too bad there's no piano, Adam thought. He made a mental note to look into pianos.

Vlad stopped by at about four p.m. Adam opened the door to the studio, looked at Vlad, and laughed a little. Both had their painting clothes on.

"Come in, Vlad. I see you've been working too," Adam said.

Vlad smiled, and said, "Every day I work, Adam. You too, I'm sure."

"It wouldn't be a normal day if I didn't," Adam said, smiling.

Vlad looked around, taking in the studio. "Very nice, Adam, so spacious, and the light is good. Still going a little I see." He looked at the still wet canvases Adam had done today, and said, "I see you were very busy today."

Adam looked at all the canvases, and said, "Yeah, guess I was particularly inspired today."

"Do you mind if I take a closer look?" Vlad asked.

Adam shrugged, and said, "Sure, they're just sketches."

Canvases were on the floor, leaning against every available surface. Vlad knelt down and looked at them. "These are very...bold, Adam, very colorful, and strong. There are so many. It's almost like watching the man work through a song, different notes, lyrics, emotions." Vlad looked at Adam, and raised an eyebrow. "You are inspired. Very nice, Adam. Who is he?"

Adam felt heat rising up his neck, and mentally slapped himself. Stop it, Adam, he thought. "His name is Kris, my portrait subject, the son of Neil Allen."

"The Neil Allen?" Vlad asked.

"Yeah. Katherine turned me on to the gig because she's booked. Neil wants a portrait of his son. Still in progress, though," he said, looking at the covered canvas.

"So, when Kris isn't around to sit, you work on these?"

"He couldn't be here today, so I thought I'd work on the portrait, in a sense, by doing some sketches.   
How about a beer, Vlad? We can sit outside. I was going to call you. I'm having a party next Saturday, about nine, and I hope you'll say you'll be here," Adam said. "It'll be very casual, and I'll have a little surprise."

"I think I can make it, Adam. Could I bring a few friends? I think you'd like them."

"The more the better. There are a lot of people to meet in Santa Fe. Very social place."

"Yeah, it is," said Vlad. "Real bohemian feel to it. Very...open."

"Artists are crazy, right," Adam said, and laughed.

"Someone has to be, Adam," Vlad laughed. "Open-minded too. That is what makes me feel comfortable here. I don't see you out much, Adam. Are you very busy with some secret lover?" he laughed.

Adam smiled and said, "No, nothing that romantic. I tend towards solitude. That's a romantic image too, right?"

"Romantic, but lonely. Me, after my work is done, I like to get out and see people, have some fun."

"That would include lots of girlfriends, I bet," Adam said, smiling.

Vlad looked at Adam thoughtfully. "That's what I'd say about you, except...well, as I said, you've probably got a secret girlfriend hidden away from us, Adam."

Adam chugged down some beer, smiled a little, and said, "Tell me about your girlfriend, Vlad."

"There's nothing to tell. I don't have one. I do have a boyfriend though. I'm a little surprised, Adam, that you haven't caught on yet...to some of what goes on here. Maybe it's all that solitude that keeps you too busy to notice. I'm only saying this because...of what I think, because we are alike."

"Alike..." Adam understood what Vlad was trying to say. Holy shit, he thought. Do I care? Not really. "You mean..."

"I prefer men, Adam, and I think you do too. I saw how you looked at me at Katherine's that day. I know that look. You're pretty subtle, but I can tell. Don't be upset, Adam. We think the same way, nothing wrong with that. The thing is, there's lots more here that do too. I'll bring a few friends. You'll like them. They're smart, talented, sophisticated...fun. And, you'll like my boyfriend, he's quite the pretty one."

"I don't know what to say," Adam said. "I really don't. You're right. I like girls too...used to like girls, but haven't for a long time. Is it really okay, in Santa Fe, to let people know this?"

"It's not okay to talk about in public like anywhere else. But it's much more tolerant here. There are many straights here that are great friends, that won't treat you differently, or loathe you. You just have to know the right people. I'll introduce you if you want."

"So, basically stay closeted, and everyone will pretend they don't know, and you'll be kind of accepted?"

"Yeah. It wouldn't be a good idea to talk about it with Katherine or her husband, particularly her husband. Katherine knows, but she doesn't really care if it's subtle. Her husband's a bigot. I'd stay away from him."

"I guess it depends on whether you care or not," Adam said. "I stay by myself for a reason. The less they know, the less they can hurt me."

"But you don't have much fun that way, Adam. Just think about it, do what you want to. I'll bring a few friends, as I said, and I think you'll like them, and you might be a little surprised yourself. You're a great artist, Adam, you really are, and a nice guy from what I can tell. The world deserves to know you, and you deserve to have some fun."

"Sounds like you have this all worked out," Adam said, smiling.

"I've had a lot longer than you to figure it out. I outlived the Nazis too. Nothing compares to that, nothing. Everything else is much less important, you know? I can't help that I like men, so I figure I shouldn't be punished for it."

"Now I know I'm in trouble. I like men, and I'm Jewish. Double whammy."

"Double, yes," Vlad laughed. "Lucky you. Lucky for you, actually, that you've got talent, beauty, and brains, otherwise you'd be in trouble."

"You're right," Adam laughed. "So your boyfriend is pretty? Are you in love with him?"

"Not in love, no, but he's a good distraction for awhile, very young, very pretty, and dedicated to me."

"I look forward to meeting him." Pretty and young, Adam thought, Really can't wait to see this.

"So, next time, Adam, you come see my studio, okay. I paint and do sculpture too. You might like it."

"I already do."

"Okay, Adam, got to go, see you at the party next week. Thanks for asking. Can't wait for the surprise."

Adam felt restless. He didn't know what to do with himself. When was the last time that happened? He knew he'd see Kris on Sunday, but he wished he could see him tonight. I want to go out for dinner, a few drinks, a few dances maybe, Adam thought. He knew that even if Kris was there, that they'd maybe get away with drinks and dinner, but never with dancing, never. How very unfair. Adam, he thought, You're going to have to be very careful with Kris Allen.

Adam finally decided to go to the Pink Adobe. He really liked the bar there, and liked the food even more. They were always nice to him. And maybe later he'd explore another one of those out of the way places, maybe run into someone who would give him what he needed tonight. The emptiness inside was starting to feel a little overwhelming, and Adam needed badly to feel better.

No matter what Vlad said, it still wasn't a normal world for him. In a normal world, he'd be going out with Kris, then coming home, and making love, and no one would care or notice. In Adam's world, that would never happen. Adam sighed, then got ready to go out.

A few miles outside of Santa Fe, Kris was just finishing dinner with his parents. His mom, Kim, was a great cook who, in her earlier years, had cooked for a whole bunkhouse of ranch hands. No complaints there from Kris, but he wished he were somewhere else, having dinner, or doing something else. When his mom asked him if he had a date, he said no, but that he did on Sunday. She tried to get him to talk about it, but Kris didn't want to. Am I supposed to tell her I have a date with a guy? Kris thought.

Kris was not happy with his life, and knowing Adam, even if only for a short time, had caused Kris to think more and more about what he wanted to do in the future. He knew he couldn't continue as he was, but didn't know what to do about his parents. You are 25, Kris, it is your life, he thought. The thought of telling either of them, especially his father, about himself just scared him. They would not understand, and would probably disown him. He knew his daddy would.

He took his guitar outside and found a familiar spot to sit while the sun went down. Kris idly strummed the guitar, while thinking about Adam. I can't wait to see him, he thought. He thought about the party next Saturday. He felt both scared and happy about it, wanting to play and sing, but hoping people liked it. He wondered what Adam was doing, a little scared actually, because Adam wasn't the kind of guy to hang out waiting for anything. Kris would have to be around if there was ever to be any kind of real relationship.

Kris couldn't blame Adam for that. He's amazing, Kris thought, everyone wants him. I want him, Kris realized. I really want him. He's so independent, though. Why would he want someone like me, who's never done anything without his daddy. Not for long, anyway. Adam even said he'd never been in love. Maybe Adam never wanted to be in love. Kris knew he was over-analyzing, but there was something there. He felt it. Adam was throwing all kinds of stuff at Kris. Maybe it's just lust. He'll sleep with you, and that will be that, he thought.

I'd take the chance, Kris thought. I would. Doesn't mean I have to be in love. But what if it happens? What if you already are? he wondered.

Kris started playing the song he wrote, the one he'd sung to Adam. Was that only two days ago? Seemed longer. Kris sang softly to the night, wishing Adam could hear him.

 

Chapter 6

Adam woke up late on Saturday. He had a bad headache. A simple little evening out had turned into him getting drunk, and hooking up with this guy, and he'd actually gone home with him. Thank God I managed to sneak out of there, he thought. Going home with guys is not in the rules, Adam. It could be worse, I might have brought him here.

What had he been thinking? I didn't want to be alone, he thought. That's a first. Too bad it was the wrong guy. Adam groaned as he got out of bed. He headed to the kitchen, and coffee. He felt strangely guilty, like he'd done something wrong. Nothing I haven't done before, he thought. I know what it is, but I don't want to think about it.

Okay, so it's Kris, it's all his fault, right? Good try, Adam. Too bad it wasn't him, though. He glanced outside. The sky was very blue. Puffy white clouds dotted the sky, looking a lot like cotton balls floating way up there. If I could just lie down on one of those, he thought. Me and Kris on a cloud, looking down at a thousand miles of reddish desert. The date was tomorrow. He'd show Kris some vistas. Why did he think Kris would appreciate them as much as he did? Kris is like you, Adam, that's why.

Adam took his coffee out to the studio. He loved the smell of turpentine. The juices were flowing, all because of the familiar smell. He looked at the canvases he'd done. They were good, but Adam wanted to do better. He flipped through the sketchbook, finding drawing after drawing that he wanted to paint. Adam was not overwhelmed, he was inspired, and almost ready to get going.

After drinking more coffee, and showering, Adam was ready. Dressed only in old jeans, his hair still damp, Adam began. He painted every conceivable angle of Kris, standing, sitting, in a chair, in the desert, standing and singing with his guitar beneath a spotlight, and finally portrait after portrait of Kris as he remembered him. They were sketches, so he didn't linger on them. Emotion drove Adam as he worked. When he was finally done, he looked around in awe at the result. The sketches were pure, raw, vital. Kris lived in the paintings. Adam could only wonder, is this what love is? God help him if it was.

In church on Sunday morning, Kris listened to the pastor drone on and on. Kris went to church every Sunday because his parents expected him to. He realized that he did most everything his parents expected, and wondered why he did it. Later, he thought, later I'll see Adam. That's what I want. He wondered what the pastor would think of that. He'd probably tell him he was condemned to hell for eternity, Kris thought.

At dinner after church, Kris's mom asked him what he was doing for the rest of the day. "You mentioned something about a date," she said.

"I'll just be in town visiting some people I know," Kris said.

"What people?"

"Just some friends. I'm a grown man, Mom."

Neil said, "That's no way to talk to your mother."

"Maybe I'd like some privacy for once," Kris said. He pushed back from the table, and said, "I'll be going soon. I'll be back when I'm back. Don't hold supper for me."

"But, Kris..." his mom protested.

"I'll see you later," Kris said. He got his guitar and threw it in the back of his truck. Then he left. He knew he was early, but he needed to get out of there. I should at least get my own place, he thought. It's time for that at least. If daddy doesn't like it, I can get another job.

Kris decided he wasn't that early, and headed to Adam's house. He knocked on the door of the house after peeking in the studio window, but seeing no Adam. My first time inside his house, Kris thought.

Adam opened the door, smiled, and said, "Hey, Kris. Enter the kingdom."

Kris smiled, and said, "Do I dare?"

"It's safe for cowboys, promise."

Kris looked around, liking what he saw. This was an old adobe, the way the ranch house was old adobe. All the floors were dark hardwood. There were nooks and crannies at every turn, then a huge living room. All the ceilings had beautiful old vigas, and every room had a Kiva fireplace. Must have been converted, he thought. A huge kitchen too. "Wow, love the kitchen, Adam. Do you cook?"

"When I have to," Adam said. "Which is most of the time. How about you, Kris? Do cowboys cook?"

"Only when I have to," Kris said, smiling ruefully. "My mom taught me how to make big pots of stuff for the ranch hands because she used to do a lot of it. I helped her when I was a kid. But normally, I don't cook. Don't think you'd much like my cooking. I'd like to try yours, though."

"Well, we just might get to that later, okay?"

A set of glass doors led from the kitchen to another, smaller courtyard. "Looks like this is where you wake up," Kris said, noticing the table and chairs on the patio.

"Whenever it's nice I do," Adam said.

What Kris noticed most was all the art. It was everywhere. Paintings everywhere, almost cluttering the walls, and lots of sculpture too. In the living room, one whole wall was covered by bookshelves. What was amazing was that books filled the shelves. "Have you read all those books?" Kris asked.

"Yeah, just about," Adam said.

Kris noticed the subject matter ranged from art, to history, biography, and novels, lots of novels. "What, no Westerns?" Kris said, smiling again.

"Ironic isn't it? I live in the West, but I'm not into Western anything. Just one cowboy is all."

Kris looked at him, raised an eyebrow, and said, "Oh that was good, really good, Adam."

"I just can't get into it," Adam said. He pointed his arm to a group of paintings. "Look, I have Western landscapes. Those I like."

"So do I," Kris said.

"Wanna go see a few real ones?" Adam asked.

"Sure," Kris said. "Let's take my truck. I might have to show you one of my out of the way spots."

"Oh, boy, I'm gonna ride in a real cowboy truck," Adam said, grinning.

Kris hit Adam's arm. "Be nice to the cowboy, city boy."

"Or what?"

"You'll find out," Kris said, trying to look mean.

"Uh huh. Okay, lead the way."

"Can we start with my favorite?" Kris asked.

"Yeah, can't wait to see."

The road they were on was very familiar to Adam. When they stopped, he knew exactly where they were. "How did you know?" he asked Kris.

"What?"

"This is my favorite too." They got out of the truck, and Adam walked over to a huge flat rock. He climbed up, raised his arms, and said, "This is my rock, Kris."

"Your rock. I see," Kris said, smiling. "I thought it was my rock."

"I suppose we could make it our rock," Adam said, putting out his arm and pulling Kris up.

Beneath them, the vista seemed to go on for thousands of miles. "It seems endless doesn't it," Adam said, sitting down on the large, flat boulder.

Kris sat down next to Adam, and said, "Yeah, it does. I think this is the best view of Taos way up there in the distance. Well it's actually after that group of mountains, but you can almost see it. I like to pretend I can see it."

"You like Taos?"

"I love Taos. Have you been up there?" Kris asked.

"Yeah, I drove up there a couple of times. Cute little town, love all the town squares in New Mexico, very charming. It's very pretty up there."

"We'll have to go some time. We've got a little house up there, real adobe, needs patching every year. Out in the middle of nowhere. Very isolated, and incredibly beautiful," Kris said.

"Sounds nice," Adam said, "Real adobe, huh, no plaster?"

"The real thing, so far. My dad likes it like that. I do too. We should go up for the fiesta in July. The whole town parties."

"Sounds fun, maybe we will." Adam said. He thought, Wouldn't that be romantic. "How long have you been coming here, Kris?"

"Since I could drive. I need to get away from the ranch sometimes, so I explore a lot. This view makes me feel like I'm a part of something vast. I feel important, and not important. Hard to describe."

"Yeah, I know. It's lonely up here, but it's vibrant and alive too, and it's constantly changing, like life."

"Like life," Kris said.

"I've been to a lot of places, Kris, but none of them make me feel like this."

"What do you feel?" Kris asked.

"Like I belong in the world," Adam said, quietly.

"It seems to me that you'd brighten up any place you went."

Adam looked at Kris wondering what that little confused look meant. "Do you always feel like you belong?"

"I used to," Kris said, softly.

"Used to, but not now?"

"No. I need to change some things," Kris said.

"Change can be difficult." That's what I'll call whatever this is I'm feeling, change. Because you're in love?

"Yeah, it can be...it is...transitions, I guess."

"So, what are you going to change first?"

Kris hesitated. "I think I might get my own place," Kris said. "It's beyond time to move out, live my own life."

"Better late than never," Adam said, smiling. "Good idea."

"It's easier said than done. You don't know my daddy."

"I guess you're entitled to make that decision, Kris, at the ripe old age of 25."

"I know that, but doing it is another thing. I really want to, this time."

"This time?"

"Guess I've wanted things to be different for a while, Adam. I don't want to be a rancher anymore, either."

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't know. Music, I think. But that won't pay the bills. Maybe get a job."

"That's a start. Doesn't sound easy, but you're young enough to do anything you want. It's good to find out what you're about, what you like, and don't."

"Yeah. I'll have to find the right way to tell my parents. They really expect I'll keep the ranch going when they're gone. I might like to keep the ranch, but not ranch. They won't like that."

"It seems to me that you've worked hard, and deserve something for all that work," Adam said.

Kris shrugged, "Don't think my dad thinks that way. Think I'll wait 'til the portrait's done. No sense in rocking the boat right this minute."

"You really want that portrait, don't you?" Adam said, smiling.

"Yeah, I do, and so does my dad, though he might be sorry he ever thought of the idea."

They stayed for a while longer, then went off to find other favorite places. Around five p.m., Adam said to Kris, "I think I need a rest from all the resting spots. How about we go back to my place, and I'll think about making some dinner. I hope you can stay today. You can, can't you?"

"I told my parents not to wait for me," Kris said, smiling. "I'm taking a freedom baby step."

Adam laughed. "Okay, let's find out if you like real New Mexico, Mexican food."

"If you're talkin' green chili smothered, then I'm all yours," Kris said, smiling.

"I like the way that sounds."

"I thought you might."

They walked into Adam's kitchen, and he sat Kris down on a stool at a large island. "How about a pitcher of margaritas?"

"How decadent," Kris said.

"You like decadent?" Adam asked.

"You might be surprised," Kris said.

"Let me just work on that," Adam said, smiling wickedly.

Adam poured out a margarita for each of them, and said, "Let's toast, okay? How about to Adam and Kris's desert adventure number one?"

"To great beginnings," Kris said, raising his glass, then downing half the glass. "Good. Very good," Kris said. "The cooking adventure is starting off well."

"And I haven't even started cooking," Adam said.

Kris watched Adam making guacamole, then start dinner, chili rellenos, refried black beans and rice, fresh salsa, and corn chips.

Adam was having fun cooking for Kris. This must be what they call sharing, he thought. Maybe it's not so bad. God, he's adorable, sitting there sipping that margarita, looking slightly amused watching me.

Adam put the rellenos in the oven, and sat down next to Kris after pouring out more margaritas. "Hungry? I hope."

"Yeah, I am hungry," Kris said, smiling. "Can't wait to taste your masterpiece."

"Only be a few minutes. Here, have a chip." Adam picked up a chip, dipped it in guacamole, and handed it to Kris. "You like?"

"I like...mmm."

"Okay, time to eat."

"This looks amazing, Adam," Kris said. "What else do you cook?"

Adam shrugged. "Just about anything. I like good food."

"Good thing, so do I," Kris said, laughing.

"Oops, almost forgot the wine. I've got a nice red to go with the food," Adam said. Try this."

"Mmm...I haven't tried much wine, but this is really good."

Adam smiled and said, "Good, I'm glad you like it."

When they were done, Kris said, "I am going to help you clean up. Something I'm good at." He smiled.

"We could just leave it..."

"Nope, I'll do it, c'mon."

Kris washed dishes, while Adam dried and put away. I think I see doing dishes in a whole new light, Adam thought. When they were done, it was getting dark outside. "I hope you can stay for a while. How about a nice fire?"

"I can stay," Kris said.

"Good, we need to finish the wine. Want to play a song for me?"

"I could probably come up with something," Kris said. "I put my guitar in your hallway. I'll get it."

Adam started a fire in the living room while Kris sat down on a couch facing the fire. He took out his guitar and started idly strumming. Adam sat down, cross-legged on the couch, facing Kris.

Kris said, "I've been working on a song for a while, and I think I finally got it this week, so I'll try it out on you."

He started playing, then singing, in that raw, bluesy way of his.

Adam watched Kris's every move, thinking about how gorgeous he looked with firelight flickering and dancing on his face. The song was a little sad, but portrayed an intimate knowledge of having a dream, and wanting it to happen. It was sad because there seemed to be no way out. Adam's heart went out to him. He wanted to tell him he understood, but he couldn't, not yet.

Adam said, "That's another great song and you wrote it. You really have talent. I want you to know that. By the way, the party is on for next Saturday. Everyone's been invited, food's been ordered, so you have to show up."

Kris smiled, and said, "I promise, I wouldn't miss it. Promise." He put his guitar down, and leaned back on the couch. "I love fires."

"I do too, and that's another reason I love Santa Fe, fireplaces in every room. "Kris, would you...would you sit next to me?"

Kris looked at Adam, and didn't say anything, just moved over to Adam, put his legs up on the couch, and leaned into him. Adam put his arms around Kris's neck, and kissed the back of Kris's head.

Adam felt Kris almost melting into him. Dear God, I can barely breathe, he thought. Is he really this close to me? Why does he make me feel this way, like I'm not in control, like I'm almost floating. And I want him, I want to make love to him. All night, no leaving, never leaving would be fine. This almost hurts, he thought.

Kris turned his body so he could look at Adam. He looked into Adam's eyes then focused on the soft, beautiful lips.

Adam stopped breathing when Kris looked into his eyes. He sees me, he really sees me, can't hide, not from those eyes, he thought. He knows everything about me, whether I want him to or not, but I do want, so much. I will kiss that mouth, bite that bottom lip, and I will never stop, he thought.

Kris leaned in and said, "I have to kiss you, I have to." Kris kissed Adam softly, and ran his tongue around Adam's gorgeous mouth. He pulled back for a moment and kissed him again, more insistently, working his tongue into Adam's mouth.

Adam growled, "Jesus, Kris..." and kissed back hard, and needy, with real passion. Adam had never felt this, and he loved it, loved his little cowboy. God, what else can he do? Adam wondered.

Adam finally pulled away and just looked at Kris, disbelieving. He was panting, Kris was panting, but at least they were breathing again. Adam smiled, he couldn't help it, and said, "You are the most delicious thing I've ever tasted, my cowboy. I never knew cowboys tasted like you do."

Kris put his head on Adam's chest and laughed. "Funny, I never knew anyone on earth kissed like you do. You are from another planet, aren't you? Adam, you have far too many clothes on, really, trust me on this."

It was Adam's turn to laugh. "You are so gonna get it, Allen."

"I sure hope so," Kris giggled. He started pulling at Adam's tee-shirt. "Up we go, and off. Much, much better," Kris said and started working on Adam's chest, kissing, biting, licking, feeling it, every inch of it, seeing now the freckles.

"Time to de-plaid," Adam said, his voice hitching just a little, trying to get Kris's shirt off while he could still manage it. He saw the most beautiful muscled torso he had ever seen up this close and personal. Adam thought, Shit, does he get that from working out, or ranching, whatever ranching is? Whatever, it works, Christ. He started working his hands all over that body, touching, rubbing, feeling it wherever he could.

Kris moved his groin hard into Adam feeling Adam's hard dick pressing back. They started kissing again, each needy and wanting of the other. Adam pulled back, and undid Kris's jeans, starting to push them down. He moved Kris beneath him, still pulling at his jeans. Kris's hand were on Adam's jeans, rubbing his dick through the heavy denim. Adam pulled his own jeans off quickly and lay down on top of Kris pushing his legs apart as he did so.

Adam kissed Kris again, his emotions overtaking him as he moaned loudly. He licked Kris's face, while moving his hands down the muscular arms. Kris responded by kissing back hard, as if he'd never needed anything so much in his life. "Adam, Jesus, Adam..." he managed to say, moving his hands down Adam's back, and down to his groin.

Adam's kissed his way down Kris's chest, then his stomach, while softly rubbing his inner thighs. He licked and kissed around his dick, moaning his pleasure, swearing now, almost out of control. He looked up at Kris, into his eyes, looked down at Kris's dick, and said, "Beautiful," before taking it into his mouth.

Kris's hands were in Adam's hair, moving down his face, caressing him, saying, "Adam, Jesus, so good," as he moved beneath him in a frenzy. He pushed up into Adam's mouth, moaning, pleading for him not to stop.

He's wild, Adam thought, so natural, so beautiful. Kris couldn't wait and he came as he thrust again into Adam's mouth. Adam watched Kris's head go back, and listened to him moan as Kris lost it. Adam moved a hand to Kris's neck, caressing the beautiful line of it, as Kris fell back, simply wrecked.

Kris pulled Adam up close to him, looked at him for a moment with those deep brown eyes, then kissed Adam liked he'd never kissed anyone before. Adam thought, this is the most fucking beautiful thing that's ever happened to me. He delved deep into Kris's mouth, expressing his raw passion.

Kris pulled away, and said, "Fuck me, Adam, please, fuck me."

"Don't move," Adam ordered. He went to the kitchen and found the KY. "Good boy," Adam said, kissing Kris again.

Adam slid a finger into Kris's ass, slowly, sensually. He wanted Kris good and ready because he felt the heat rising, felt almost on a different plane of existence. He continued to kiss Kris, unable to stop because it was so fucking great, he couldn't believe it. I want him so much, Adam thought, I just want him. His body was simply tingling, that's all he could think of to explain how he felt. He felt breathless again, and hot, so damned hot. They were both sweating and slid together so easily. Adam slid two fingers into Kris, and he had a wild man beneath him.

"Fuck me, please," he begged. "I need you in me, please." He moved with Adam as he fucked him with his fingers until Adam knew he was really ready. He pulled his fingers out and Kris moaned, "No, don't stop. I want you in me, now, please."

"You are a wild man, Kris, a crazy man. I adore you, do you know that? I adore you. You and your tight little ass. I'm going to fuck you like you've never been fucked. Are you ready? Do you really want me?"

Kris groaned loudly. "Please, Jesus, fuck me. I have to, I have to, I need you, please."

Adam slid slowly into Kris, watching him gasp with pleasure, letting him adjust to the feel of him inside. "Shit, Adam, Christ, I've never...felt like that. Jesus, more, some more."

"I've got plenty more, Kris," Adam said, pushing all the way in, fast, hard. "There, Kris, is that what you want?"

"Yes...that...I love you, Adam," Kris almost screamed. He was pushing back as if he wanted Adam deeper. "Just keep fucking me...like that, shit."

Adam was losing it, he had only one more thought, try and find the right spot. He knew when he did because of Kris's reaction, which reached heights he'd never known were possible. "That's it...oh, shit, I fucking love it, I fucking love you," Kris moaned.

Adam was gone, passion and instinct took over as he fucked Kris. He laughed when Kris met his tempo, thrust for thrust, like a well-oiled machine, each providing and feeling a pleasure they'd not known existed. It was like going to a different level, almost an out-of-body experience. Adam fucked Kris in a way he'd never felt before. There was something else there. He said to Kris, "I think I love you."

Kris looked at Adam, at his body, feeling all of Adam in him. Adam saw a look that resembled pain and pleasure at the same time, and something else, it was pure desire and love. Kris panted. He tried to speak, to say what it was. "Adam, just so good, perfect. Love you...love, ohhhh, nothing is this good."

Adam grasped Kris's hips, dug into them, as he fucked his little cowboy, lovingly and relentlessly. "I fucking love fucking you," Adam growled, as he came deep, unable to suppress his true feelings at that moment. "I love you, Kris."

They lay there for a long time. Adam's head was on Kris's chest. They gasped, tried to breathe again. Kris had come again, right after Adam had. They were a sweaty, sticky mess. "Jesus, Kris, I love sliding around all over you," Adam said, and laughed.

"It's the best slippery ever, Adam."

"Stay right there, help is on the way," Adam said, and got up. "I'll be right back."

Adam came back with warm, wet washcloths. He wiped Kris off, smiling as he carefully cleaned him. He tossed the washcloths on the hearth, and turned back to Kris. Adam crawled up next to him and put his arms around him, pulling him close. "Mmm, this feels good. Much better."

Kris responded with a flurry of little kisses all over his neck. "Really much better," Kris said, pressing his head into Adam's chest.

There was a throw on the couch, and Adam pulled it over them. They dozed off. The fire continued, then slowed down, a step at a time, as they had. Kris staying for the whole night was basically against all of Adam's rules. He decided he didn't care about rules when it came to Kris. There was no way he was letting him go now. No way. He's my little cowboy, Adam thought, all mine.

Kris sighed happily before he drifted off.

Chapter 7

Kris woke up before dawn. He was used to getting up early and when he did he realized he needed to get back to the ranch. Work would begin soon and he'd be expected. He kissed Adam's cheek and said, "Adam...I have to get up."

Adam stirred and said, "Why?" His eyes were still closed.

"Ranch hours, Adam. Wish I didn't have to but I do." He kissed Adam lips. "I don't want to leave."

"Then don't," Adam mumbled sleepily.

"Have to." Kris moved and slowly extricated himself from Adam's long arms and legs. He took a long look at Adam as the first faint streaks of light filtered into the room. He is such a sleeping beauty, Kris thought, my sleeping beauty. Kris dressed quickly, then knelt down and kissed Adam one more time. "Adam?"

"Mmm...Kris, don't go."

"I have to. I'll see you Wednesday, for the portrait, okay?"

"'kay, if you have to. I miss you already."

"Already, huh?"

"Mmm hmmm."

Kris quickly kissed Adam's mouth. "I loved last night, Adam. I love you too."

"Mmm...Kris. I...I'll see you Wednesday." Adam managed to squeeze Kris's hand.

Kris picked up his guitar case and left. There was no one around at this early hour. The sun was just barely starting to rise. He sighed as he threw his guitar in the back of the truck. Kris drove home thinking about the night before. He'd never felt so elated and so nervous at the same time. It felt like walking on air with a fluttery stomach, but knowing there were bumps in the road ahead. We've got to be careful, he thought. The first step is to move to my own place. Whatever happens I need my own life.

When he got home, he went to the bunkhouse. Kris knew there would be coffee and he needed some. He also didn't want to run into his parents, not yet. They'd ask questions, and he didn't want to answer them. If he was lucky, he wouldn't have to see them until tonight at dinner. He took a shower in the bunkhouse, almost sad to let go of the hint of Adam still on him. He wondered what Adam was thinking, wondered if the night really had been as special for him as it was for Kris. A small smile crossed his face when he remembered that Adam had said he loved him. His smile became a grin as he stepped out of the bunkhouse ready to start his day.

Adam slept for a while, slowly waking up as the chorus of bird sounds became too loud for him to ignore. He didn't move for a while because he wanted to keep thinking about Kris and about last night. I miss him already, he thought. I could get used to that. He said he loved me. I said I loved him. Do we? It wasn't just lust, it was way beyond that. What if he can't get away from his family? What if he decides he doesn't want to? It's sounding so complicated. Was love something that wasn't easy? he wondered. For once in my life, I intend to find out, he thought. Kris is the only person in my entire life that I've ever cared about and I'm not giving up on that.

For the next few hours, Adam worked on the portrait. It was almost finished. One more sitting would probably do it, just to make sure he'd got it all right. He'd painted Kris in a white shirt. On Wednesday, he'd need Kris to wear a chain with a pendent. The painting needed a bright hint of silver and it also fit with his being a singer. Adam had minimized the guitar but it was clear he was between songs. The painting was all about Kris which Adam thought was what Neil would want. Adam put the painting aside and also moved all of the canvases he'd done of Kris the other day. He stacked them neatly against the far wall. They were for Adam's eyes only.

It was time to get back to painting his landscape series. The gallery owner wanted them yesterday and Adam hadn't been putting in the time on them he should. Adam knew where he was going with the series so why did he keep seeing a figure somewhere in the landscapes? The figure seemed so alone, lost in reddish hues and vivid blue skies. The sun cast shadows on the pinon, and the figure was just beyond reach, hiding somewhere in the vast terrain. Is that me, Adam wondered, could that really be me?

The next day Adam went out looking for the perfect pendant for Kris. He had a dual mission, first to find the right thing for the portrait, second, to give something beautiful to Kris because someone that beautiful should be adorned, subtly, but adorned. Adam wanted Kris to have a piece of him around his neck so he wouldn't forget Adam. I want him to know how I feel, Adam thought.

Adam went to see a friend of his who made jewelry. He had always admired her work and hoped she had something ready to go because he didn't have time for custom made. Her name was Tonja and she'd made jewelry for years. Adam told her what he wanted. "I need a silver pendent, hammered, a bit rustic, not too perfect, something for a musician, something masculine."

Tonja didn't think she had what Adam wanted, but she suggested that she could quickly produce a hammered silver pendant engraved with a Chinese symbol for musician. "Adam, if you come back at the end of the day, I will have it for you. It will be simple, just as you wish."

"That sounds perfect, Tonja. I knew you'd know what to do. I'll be back around five if that's okay?"

"I'll get it done for you, Adam," she said, smiling.

Adam knew he needed one more thing before the party on Saturday. Kris needed a piano, a really good piano, and Adam intended to get it for him. There was a store on Cerrillos Road that sold musical instruments including pianos. He was lucky and found a decent baby grand which he ordered to be delivered on Friday morning. Adam told them that it had to be Friday morning, not the afternoon, and they promised it would be delivered. He intended to surprise Kris.

Adam felt almost giddy. Why am I doing this? he thought. Because he's your little cowboy, Adam, simple. I hope I'm not overwhelming him, Adam thought, but I think he'll really like the piano. Anyway, it never hurts to have one. I could take lessons if I had to. In your dreams, Adam.

Kris was not having a good day. He intended to talk to his parents, and he was nervous, not really knowing how to explain to them what he wanted to do without explaining Adam too. Midway through dinner, Kris knew he was lucky that he hadn't been asked about the night before. Maybe they didn't realize he hadn't come home. It was possible they didn't. The conversation centered around what was going on at the ranch. Kris kept drifting away from the conversation while waiting for the right moment.

There was finally a lull in the conversation and Kris decided to dive in. "Mom and Dad, I want to tell you what I want to do," he said.

"What do you want to do, Kris?" his mom asked.

"I've been thinking about it for a long time and what I want is to find a place of my own and move. I need to...well, have my own life."

"Why would you want to do that?" his dad asked. He didn't look happy.

"Because I'm 25 and I want my own life," Kris said simply.

"Don't we give you everything you need?" his mom asked.

"It's not about things, Mom. I need my own space. I want to do things on my own, live my life."

"What about affording it, Kris?" his dad asked.

"I thought you could either pay me what I'm really worth or I could get a job," Kris said.

"You know this is all going to be yours someday, Kris," his dad said. "What if I can't afford to pay you more?"

"Then I'll get a job. I want to play music too. I want to try and find jobs and write more music."

"I told you those music lessons were a mistake," his dad said.

"He has talent, Neil, why shouldn't he try and pursue it?"

"Do you have a girlfriend, Kris? Is that it?" Neil asked

"No. I don't have a girlfriend," Kris said.

"I can't stop you," Neil said, "But I want you to really think about it first. Give it a little time."

"I have thought about it and I know what I want. I'll give it a little more time though," Kris said.

"How's that portrait coming?" Neil asked.

"It's almost done, should be done on Wednesday."

"Good thing. I think those artists over there are influencing you."

"No one's influencing me," Kris said.

After dinner Kris got his guitar and went outside to play and watch the sun go down. He wanted to get lost in the music, and just think about what was happening to him. A few weeks ago, he never would have thought it possible to have met anyone like Adam, someone he was really attracted to. I've never felt like this, he thought. My stomach hurts. I keep smiling. I haven't felt even close to this since Ned and this is much more. Kris sighed, and realized he was developing a new song without even trying. Maybe I can have something new by Saturday, he thought. Something for Adam.

Kris arrived at Adam's studio by one. He was nervous but couldn't wait to see him and hopefully the portrait too. Before he knocked on the studio door he watched Adam for a moment as he worked at the easel. Still gorgeous, still tall, still...here. He hated to interrupt Adam's concentration but knocked anyway.

Adam looked up, and smiled when he saw Kris in the doorway. He walked over to the door, opening it, paint brush still in hand. "Hey, Kris, glad you're here. We're going to finish this today. I'm almost there and just want to check a few things and add something." He gave Kris a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Hi, Adam," Kris said, a little shyly. "What do you want to add?"

"Come over here and I'll show you," Adam said, grinning. He lifted the pendant from a small box and said, "I knew you should have a pendant for the painting, something musician, so I had this made for you. I want you to wear it today, and I hope you wear it afterward. It's for you, Kris." Adam held up a pendant hanging from a leather cord. It's hand made hammered silver. The engraved symbol is Chinese for musician."

Kris looked at it almost in disbelief. He touched the pendant. It was shiny silver with an engraved black symbol. It was quite small, about one inch by one inch in size. He looked at Adam, and said, "It is perfect, just beautiful. This is exactly what I'd wear. You didn't have to do this, Adam, really."

"Let's put it on you," Adam said. The cord was long, so Adam placed it over Kris's head, and arranged it just so. "We'll leave it hanging out for right now because I want it in the painting. There, that looks great," Adam said, standing back a little and smiling. "It's simple, not too much for a cowboy."

Kris felt the pendant, rubbing it. "I've never worn anything like it, but I will wear this. I love it, Adam." He gave Adam a sweet kiss on the lips. "Thank you."

"Shall we finish the portrait?" Adam asked. "I see you have a white shirt on today. Must be intuition. I've already painted you in a white shirt but it's much better to have it in front of me."

When Adam was satisfied with Kris's pose, he started in, concentrating, immersed in painting. "Stay as still as you can, Kris," Adam said.

Kris stayed quiet and just watched while Adam concentrated on the painting. Adam's fluid movements were like a dance, serious and sensual, lips parted slightly at times. The only sounds in the studio were of Adam humming along to a tune only he could hear, while brushes scratching on canvas beat out their own rhythms.

Adam was done in about two hours. He sighed and put down his brushes. He smiled a little shyly and said, "It's done. Want to see it? Come over here." Adam stepped back a few feet.

Kris couldn't wait. He walked over to where Adam was standing, took a look at the painting, and almost gasped. "My God...wow...that's amazing," Kris said quietly. "You made me look so...so good. Do I really look like that?"

"You're beautiful. That's exactly the way you look," Adam said, a little mesmerized, staring at the portrait.

Kris saw a man holding a partially hidden guitar. His hand was resting on the guitar and he was obviously resting between songs. The head was leaning back just slightly, the eyes looked directly out into the room. Kris's mouth was slightly open, not quite smiling. It was the eyes that were smiling, not crinkling, but full of happiness, warm and inviting. The style was representational but had impressionist elements. The white cloth shirt was fluid, the pendant providing just a hint of sparkle to match the sparkle in the eyes. The man in the painting looked happy, content, full of life.

"I don't know what to say, Adam. This is really good. I can't imagine my parents not liking it."

"I hope so," Adam said "I'll call Neil later today and arrange for delivery. I want to take it to him. It has to dry completely, of course, and I'll be framing it. That's always part of the deal. I can deliver next week."

"I'll tell him I've seen it and that I love it," Kris said, smiling. "I really do love it." He hugged Adam, putting his head on Adam's chest. "You are so good, Adam. You're a great artist, not just good. I hope you know that."

"I'm getting there." Adam said. Only painting humbled Adam. It was so difficult to be a really good painter. Talent only took you so far. It was hard work, really hard, and it took passion to care enough to do it right. Adam wanted to be great but he knew he wasn't there yet. It's about having something to say, too, he thought. If a painting doesn't say something, then it's just a pretty picture.

"How about a beer to celebrate?" Adam asked.

"Definitely," Kris said.

"Let's sit outside since it's so nice."

When Adam returned with their beers, Kris asked him, "Is it hard to finish a painting? Is it like having your child grow up and leave home?"

Adam shrugged and said, "Yeah, a little like that. My baby," he laughed. "I'll hate to let this one go just because it's so you," Adam said, looking at Kris. "But I hope you'll still be here."

"Too late to get rid of me, Adam," Kris said, smiling. "Way too late. That reminds me, I told my parents I want to move out."

"You really did?"

"Yeah, I said I was. My dad wants me to think about it. He was really surprised. I told him I'd think about it but I already know. I may end up getting a job too. Told him I'd need to be paid more and he didn't like that. I think he wants to control me with money. I don't want him to, not any more. I'll work it out somehow."

"Is it hard to do, Kris, to leave, after being there your whole life?"

"Not easy. Kind of scary. But I'll never know until I try. Something's got into me and I don't want to let it go. It's all been too easy maybe. I don't know."

"Can you come by here on Friday afternoon, late afternoon?" Adam asked.

"On Friday? What's happening on Friday?"

"I have a little surprise for you."

"I hope it's just a little one, Adam. I love my pendant, and I don't need anything else."

"I know, it's just, well, you'll see. Please tell me you'll stop by. Anytime after three is fine."

Kris smiled at Adam. "Okay. I can't seem to say no to you, not that I'm complaining. Friday afternoon, might be about four, after work is done."

"Perfect," Adam said, "Now will you do me just one more little favor?"

"Probably," Kris said,looking sideways at Adam.

"Come over here and kiss me."

"I'm easy plus I thought you'd never ask," Kris answered sitting down on Adam's lap. "Let's try this...mmm."

They stopped when they couldn't breathe. Kris said, "There's something I've been wanting to do all day."

"There is? What would that be, Kris?"

Kris reached down and started unfastening Adam's jeans. Kris rubbed Adam's dick through the jeans, and said, "I want to suck you, Adam." Kris started pulling Adam's jeans down. "Lift your butt. There."

"God, Kris..."

Adam gasped when Kris started licking, then sucking his dick. Kris was moaning, clearly enjoying himself. He loves it, thought Adam. Jesus...fuck, he's good at it. He almost laughed as he said, "Kris, Jesus...fuck," and shuddered as he came.

Adam was still panting as he watched Kris slow down and look up at him with a sly grin. "I'll take that as a 'yes', on you liked that," Kris said.

"You can put that in the win column," Adam said and laughed. "Where did that come from?"

"I just wanted a little taste of you, couldn't wait, simple," Kris said.

"Come here and kiss me again," Adam said. "Mmm...delicious, and I'll bet you have lots of surprises, don't you, my little cowboy?"

"Maybe. You'll have to wait and see," Kris said kissing Adam again.

They sat together for a while, kissing, caressing, making little jokes with another, until finally Kris said that he had to go. "I'll be back Friday, Adam. The painting is beautiful, the pendant is beautiful, and you are beautiful."

Adam looked into Kris's eyes for a moment. "I wish you didn't have to go but okay. Friday's only the day after tomorrow, right?"

"Right."

"I'm calling Neil after you leave, just so you know, 'cause I'm sure he'll mention it to you. I'll be delivering next week. I've never been out to the ranch. It'll be interesting."

"Yeah it might be," was all Kris said.

Adam called Neil, telling him he'd deliver the following Wednesday, and the reason why it would take until then. He told Neil that Kris seemed to like the portrait. Neil told him he looked forward to it and they agreed that later afternoon would be best because of Neil's work schedule.

On Friday, the piano was delivered in the early afternoon. Thank God for French doors, he thought, and a large opening to the living room. Adam had the delivery men put the piano at the far end of the room in front of the bookcases. He realized how big the room really was when the piano did not overwhelm the room. In fact, it looked like it belonged where it was. When they'd gone, he moved a few pieces of furniture around so that a couch and a few chairs were situated so as to view the piano. The music room, he thought. I hope Kris likes it.

Adam called the Compound to make sure they'd be delivering the next afternoon for the party. There were still a couple of hours until Kris would arrive, so Adam decided to work on the landscapes. He worked for two solid hours, not stopping until he heard Kris's knock on the studio door. Adam wore only jeans and no shirt. His body had paint smudges all over it.

"Hello," Adam said, smiling. "I see we wore something new in plaid today."

Kris almost blushed and said, "Do you like it?" He laughed and so did Adam.

"I like whatever you wear."

As they walked toward the house, Kris couldn't help but notice how beautiful Adam looked half-naked, the sensual way he moved, the confidence in his movements. The shoulders were amazing. He was so slender, yet so masculine.

They headed for the living room. Before they got there, Adam said, "Close your eyes until I tell you to open them."

"What are you up to?" Kris asked, smiling.

"A little surprise. C'mon."

Adam led Kris to the piano. He stopped a few feet in front of it, and said, "Okay, open 'em."

Kris opened his eyes and saw a beautiful baby grand piano. He looked at Adam, and said, "What...what is that?"

"A piano."

"I know it's a piano. Why is it here?"

"It's for you. I want you to be able to play it here, at the party, and any time you want."

"You didn't," Kris said looking shocked.

"Surprise," Adam said, smiling. "Try it. You know you want to."

Kris walked to the keyboard, and ran his hand lightly over the keys. Is it ready...tuned?"

"That's what they tell me," Adam said. "Play me something. Pretty please."

Kris sat down, playing parts of a song he had written especially for piano. When he was warmed up, he played the whole song. He looked at Adam and said, "This is a really nice one, Adam, but really you shouldn't have gotten it for me."

"Maybe I need a piano, Kris. Might need a few lessons. I see that you are also accomplished as a pianist. You've obviously practiced a lot."

Kris didn't know what to say. He felt on the verge of tears. "Adam...I'm blown away by this. I have an upright at home but it's a whole different world playing a piano like this. I don't know what to say. Thank you doesn't sound like enough."

"It's enough that you like it. You're going to be awesome tomorrow."

"Okay, but I insist on giving you lessons if you ever want to."

"Deal," Adam said.

Kris walked over to Adam and hugged him. "Thank you," Kris said and kissed him.

"Can you stay for a while?" Adam asked.

"I wish I could, but my parents are having a small party tonight and they expect me to be there. Some old friends from Texas and a few friends from Santa Fe. I'd rather not upset them since I'll be out tomorrow. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Adam said hating to see him go. "Want to come over early for dinner tomorrow? The party won't start until eight and won't get going until nine or ten. Maybe I'll have the Compound throw in a little extra just for us."

"A definite, 'yes', on that, Adam. What time?"

"Early. How about six or so?"

"At least I'll be able to park," Kris smiled.

"Yeah, you will, and I hope you park yourself here all night."

"I think we have another definite 'yes'." Kris laughed, and kissed Adam again. "How I wish I could get all paint smeared by you. Another time?"

"Count on it," Adam said kissing Kris hard, passionately.

After Kris left, Adam sat down at the piano. He couldn't play but fooled around with the keys a little while he thought about everything that had happened over the past few weeks. I'm a little different, he thought. I feel so happy, like there's hope for me. He's scaring me though. Actually, I'm scaring myself. Kris is very independent. I think he really likes me though. Love? Maybe I can ask Vlad what love feels like. I think I do. I don't want to think that he might not love me. He said it, but did he mean it? I'll think about it tomorrow when he's here.

Adam realized he was restless. He knew what that meant, what he needed. I feel like I'm cheating on him, Adam thought. I'm not really, it has nothing to do with feeling something, it's about feeling nothing and liking it. Adam realized the hole was still there inside him, and that he needed to fill it. He needed the rush being on the edge gave him and being numb. If only Kris was here. But he wasn't. Adam felt like crying but shook himself. You don't owe anyone anything, Adam, not yet you don't.

He headed to one of those out-of-the-way places he'd been before. It was a busy Friday night, no one would remember him. This bar was full of men, a de facto gay bar. He knew there were several rooms in the back. Adam got a drink and looked around. I want to fuck someone, he thought. He found a short, fairly cute guy who was alone, and sipping a drink. The guy looked a little scared. Just what I need, Adam thought. He walked over, said hello, and smiled his best want to fuck me smile, then nodded towards the back. The smaller man nodded his assent and Adam led him to an unoccupied room in the back. It's a busy night, he thought, as he locked the door after him.

Adam grabbed the man, and pushed him against the wall. He started undoing the man's jeans while saying, "Have you ever really been fucked?"

The man whispered, "No."

"It's about time then, don't you agree?"

"Yes, please," the man said.

"Bend over," Adam ordered. "I'm even going to be nice to you." Adam coated himself with KY, and inserted two fingers into the man's ass. "Ah, you've been fucked, just not well, is that it?" Adam asked.

"Yes, please...just..." the man said, loudly, and stopped abruptly as Adam's dick slammed into him. "Yes," he cried out.

"Not bad, but you need more than that, don't you? I can't hear you."

"Yes, more...fuck me," the man screamed.

"Okay, now I will," Adam said, as he smacked the man's butt, and grabbed his hips. The man panted, and pleaded, as Adam fucked him relentlessly. Adam was in another world, one devoid of passion or feeling. It was a world of power, and control, one that he knew very well. He'd never rape anyone, but he'd fuck their brains out, without regard.

"You're gonna feel me for a week, honey," Adam said as he neared orgasm. Finally, Adam came, in a final fury of almost primal fucking. Adam gave one more hard thrust for good measure, then pulled out all at once. It was over. He tucked in, and zipped his jeans, then smacked the man's butt again. "Not bad, honey. I know I feel better." The man had collapsed to the floor. Adam took one last look at him, then turned and left the room.

Adam left the bar quickly, and headed home. He felt sick. He didn't understand what had just happened. When he got home, he poured himself a double something, he wasn't sure what, he just needed it. He sat on the couch in his living room, the new piano taunting him from the other end of the room. Why? he thought. Why do I do that? A tear rolled down his face, then another, until his was sobbing.

He thought about Kris, thought about how he'd betrayed him. If he ever found out...God, he can't ever find out. I don't want to hurt him, I love him. Why can't I just let myself? He makes me feel. I feel good, happy. Something was slowly dawning on him. Feeling happy makes me feel bad, makes me so sad, way too sad. I can't handle being happy, he thought. It was an epiphany to Adam. A truth in the midst of so many lies.

Something stirred deep in Adam. Something happened, so long ago now, so long. Was that when he first started his quest for solitude, for being perfectly happy being alone, always alone. He knew it was, but he still didn't want to admit it. Nooooooo, he screamed inside his head, I can't go there. Adam knew he had to make a decision, but he didn't yet know what he would do.

Adam lay down on the couch where a week ago he had made the sweetest love he'd ever known, with a cowboy who had touched his heart. Somehow, Kris had broken through the barriers, and it was too late now, the gates were open. Adam was stuck, he couldn't go back, and he wasn't sure he could go forward. He closed his eyes, terrified of the dark. His greatest fears lived in the dark, old movies that played over and over in his mind if he let them. He didn't want to watch them, not ever again.

 

Chapter 8

Adam woke up on Saturday morning and felt sad. He was determined to change his ways, and vowed to do everything he could to support Kris and just let himself love Kris, if that was in the cards. He cared very much for his little cowboy and he realized it. He's maybe the best thing that's ever happened to me, Adam thought.

There was a lot to do before the party. His housekeeper was coming in to make his house sparkle. He had all his tapes ready. Around noon, Adam went out to order the liquor and have it delivered by mid-afternoon. He bought some extra knosh food, for way late at night, just in case, and he got a bunch of candles because he wanted some atmosphere. If he was going to have parties they needed his signature. He stocked the fireplaces in the living room and his bedroom with wood. The living room fireplace was for the party, the bedroom fireplace for his own selfish desires. Kris will like it, he thought, and realized that Kris was the only man, or woman, he'd ever wanted in his bedroom. That's a breakthrough, he thought.

He place ashtrays everywhere, because he knew there'd be a lot of smoking. The Compound was delivering glassware and dishes along with the food. He even placed candles outside, on the tables. Adam locked the studio. That was one place that was sacred, no one was getting in there. He looked over the guest list, and thought that this could be quite a party. Almost everyone was bringing friends, including a few well-known celebrities, and a singer that he hoped Kris would enjoy meeting. I hope he doesn't make Kris nervous though, Adam thought.

When the liquor was delivered, Adam set up a bar on a large side table in the living room. He had the Compound staff set up the dining room table with plates and utensils. When the time came, he'd put the food out on the island. He saw that they had delivered dinner for him and Kris. Adam put a few large candles in large glass holders on the piano. Flowers were delivered soon after. Adam placed a large arrangement on the piano, on on the bar, and one on the dining table. Great touch, he thought.

At about four Adam was done. He took a long shower and dressed because Kris would be there around six. Adam wanted to look absolutely stunning for Kris. He was still feeling guilty so he was determined to make everything perfect for Kris, including himself. He wore the tightest black jeans he had. He added a thin leather belt with a small but intricate silver buckle. Adam decided on a low cut white tee with sleeves rolled up topped with a black vest with a slight sheen to it. He put on three silver pendants hanging from different chains. No one knew it but Adam liked to wear makeup. He hardly ever did because he knew what people would think. He was feeling brave tonight though and decided on just a little black eyeliner. Rock stars wear eyeliner, he thought. I'm an artist, so I can too. Adam would have liked a little eyeshadow but decided it might be too much. He didn't really know what to expect from this crowd nor did he know what Kris might think. His hair fell softly around his face, just so, accentuating the high cheekbones. He was an artist. He knew what looked good, and he thought he looked good. Let's hope Kris thinks so, he thought. The last thing he did was put on a few rings. Adam loved jewelry.

By 5:30 Adam was ready to relax before the evening started. He made himself a vodka tonic and sat outside in the main courtyard. He'd turned on all the lights even though it wasn't dark because he didn't want to forget later. He'd have Kris help him light the candles later. It was early summer and warm, even in the mountains. If it cooled off too much he could always light an outdoor fire. Adam looked around, satisfied with everything. He hoped it would go well, especially for Kris. He wanted Kris to be the star tonight. He refused to think about the night before, or any of the other nights like it. Just let yourself be happy, Adam, just this once, he thought.

Adam heard the gate open. He turned and saw Kris. He was a beautiful little cowboy on this evening. He doesn't know, Adam thought. He has no idea of how beautiful he is. Kris wore tight jeans too, very tight, Adam noted, and a simple white shirt, rolled up at the sleeves. He had a belt with a silver buckle, and he wore boots, not cowboy boots, just nice black boots. Kris was wearing the pendant he'd given him. Kris was smiling as he walked over to Adam. He put his guitar case down and sat down next to him. "Hey, Adam," Kris said smiling just a little.

"I'm glad you're here," Adam said, as he leaned over and gave him a kiss. He tried to smile but couldn't. When Kris kissed him back, his tongue demanding entry, he broke away and said. "Wow, it's very good to see you."

Kris smiled and said, "I hope so."

"Would you like a drink?"

"What are you having?" Kris asked.

"My special vodka tonic. Want to try one?"

"Why not," Kris said, "Just don't get me drunk if you want me to sing anything."

"Promise I won't," Adam said. "Come with me, I want to show you inside."

Kris was impressed. "You really are an artist, Adam, you've laid this out beautifully."

Adam smiled, "That's good to hear. I want to tell you now about who will be here later." Adam told him the famous singer's name and Kris's jaw dropped.

"You're serious?" Kris said.

"Yeah, I'm told he'll be here. He's good friends with one of my artist friends. But I told you so you can get used to the idea and not be nervous when you play, okay?"

"Okay, but it's a little scary."

"I can imagine it is," Adam said, "But remember he's just a guy." He told him about a couple of the other famous celebrities that were supposed to be there and Kris got a little more scared. "At least you know, Kris. Really, they're just people."

"If you say so." He looked closely at Adam. "Did I tell you that you look really beautiful tonight?"

"You did now," Adam smiled. "You're looking like something else yourself."

"Don't get me started. I don't think I could stop."

"You know, you need to be calm, baby. Bet I know what would calm you down. Want me to try?"

"What..." Kris stopped, as Adam quickly unzipped Kris's jeans and started rubbing him through the heavy denim. "I see."

"I bet you do, Kris," Adam said, smirking a little. "Shall I continue?"

"You should," Kris said.

"Have I told you how much I love your dick?"

"No, actually, tell me."

"Well, it's beautiful, for one thing, and it's super delicious."

"You going to have a little taste then," Kris moaned.

"Yeah, I thought I would. I see you think that's a good idea," Adam deadpanned.

"Care and feeding is important, Adam."

"I know, baby, I know," Adam said as he wrapped his mouth around Kris's dick, and sucked hard, then licked him."

"I love the way you do that," Kris said, groaning.

"Are you feeling calmer yet?"

"Not yet."

"Okay, mmm...so delicious," Adam said and started sucking harder.

"Oh, yeah, now I see where this is going," Kris managed to get out. "Jesus..."

Kris put his hands in Adam's hair, and pulled him towards him. "More, Adam."

Adam looked up at Kris and saw the brown eyes looking at him like he was a fucking God or something and he was inspired. Adam moaned and really got into it, and he felt Kris losing it, and he sucked harder, until he heard Kris scream his name.

"Adam...Jesus," Kris screamed, and trembled as he came.

Adam swallowed, moaning, sucking softly, as Kris came back to earth.

"Adam?"

"Yeah."

"I feel very relaxed."

"Good boy."

"You're the best, Adam, kiss me."

"Mmm, I'd love to kiss you."

They kissed and clung to each other as Kris said, "I missed you."

"I missed you too."

"No, I really missed you."

"Okay, well you're here now."

"I know."

"Want some dinner?"

"Yeah."

Adam got everything ready. "Easiest dinner I ever made," Adam said and laughed.

"Sounds like something I could do," Kris said.

Adam laughed. "Guess we'll have to give you cooking lessons."

"Maybe. Not sure they'll take."

"But you'll try?"

"I'll try lots of things, once anyway."

"How was the party last night?" Adam asked.

"Pretty dull," Kris said, and shrugged. "I don't mind older people, just boring older people."

"I know. Some old people don't seem old, do they?"

"Nope. Different animal. This is really good, Adam."

"Thank the Compound. Have you been?"

"Yeah, once or twice, not for a while, though."

"We'll have to go sometime."

"We'll do it," Kris said.

"So, how was your night?"

Adam almost had a panic attack but stayed outwardly calm. "Pretty quiet, and boring," he said, not looking at Kris.

"Well, maybe it was good to rest up for tonight."

"Yeah, it was."

"The light's going down," Adam said, "Almost time to light candles. I'm going to get you to help."

"Good. I knew I was good for something."

Together they lit all the candles then they put out all the non-perishable food. People started arriving. Adam left the front door open so people could just wander in. They both looked around. The setting was beautiful. Kris smiled at Adam, raised his glass of wine and said, "Here's a toast to us, the first party of many to come."

"To many more, Kris," Adam said, and thought, I hope so, Kris, I really hope so.

It was an eclectic group, to say the least. There were a lot of the Santa Fe artists, and artists from other places too. The celebrities were bright and beautiful. Kris managed to keep it together when he met the famous singer. He'd heard that Kris was going to be singing, and he wished him well. There were writers, a famous chef, gallery owners, Katherine and her husband, of course, and a variety of other, "regular" people, who were just plain interesting. Adam also noticed Vlad and his friends, and a few others there, that were obviously gay. It was nice to have a few people around that were like him. Adam and Vlad exchanged greetings and Adam introduced Kris to Vlad. As Adam was being led away by someone, Vlad winked at him and said, "I'll talk to you later, Adam."

At around ten, Adam told everyone that his friend Kris Allen would be singing a few songs he'd written, and playing guitar and piano. Kris moved to the piano feeling scared, but determined. He came off as kind of shy, kind of sweet, and obviously not used to having people listening to him. Before he began Kris said, "Thanks for putting up with me, I hope you like my songs."

He played the piano, warmed up just a bit, then started playing the song he'd written for Adam. No one but Kris knew who it was about, not even Adam. Kris's musicianship was evident but it was the voice that got to people. Kris was very soulful, his voice raw, down to earth, and passionate. The voice was more than folk and a little less than full blues. It sold the song and kept people listening. When he was done people cheered. Kris was glowing and so was Adam.

Kris played another original song, accompanied by piano, then switched to guitar, and played two more. People seemed to really like what they'd heard. Kris thanked them for listening and looked over to Adam and smiled. Everyone was talking about Kris and wanting to talk to him. The famous singer was impressed and cornered him for a while.

Vlad walked over to Adam,, who was just watching Kris. He was thrilled for him. "Adam, who is this Kris, he is both beautiful and talented?"

"I did his portrait," Adam said. "His father is Neil Allen."

"Oh, Neil Allen, so has Kris been playing music for a long time?"

"He's played most of his life, but until now he's been working on his father's ranch. I think he's so good and I want to help him."

"I can see that you do. I see how you look at him. You've got it bad, no?"

Adam looked at him and said, "Is it that obvious?"

"To me, yes. It makes me happy to see you happy. But be careful, Neil Allen, he is not a fan of...us. Does he know about his son?"

"No. I don't know what's going to happen."

"Well, you'll work it out, I'm sure you will. Think with the positive, Adam. You've met some of my friends?"

"Yes, nice to see...well, you know."

"I know."

"There are others too."

"I've noticed, it's good."

"Good, Adam. We'll get you out of your shell."

At some point in the evening the famous singer wanted to sing a few songs with Kris. Kris knew all of the singer's songs so they both played their guitars and took turns singing. That moment really made the party.

Also that evening, Katherine asked Adam how the painting of Kris was coming along.

"It's done, Katherine, just finished it this week."

"May I see it," Katherine asked. "We're both portrait artists so I hope you don't mind."

"It's done so I don't mind, Katherine but you're the only one, okay?"

"It's our secret."

Adam took Katherine to the studio and showed her the painting. She looked at it for a few moments then said, "It's a good one, Adam. Wish I'd done that myself. You've really captured him. Neil had better be pleased."

Adam knew that Katherine did not compliment another painter lightly. If something wasn't damned good she would say so. That was the one thing you could count on Katherine for, her brutal honesty regarding art.

Katherine and John said goodnight shortly thereafter and others started drifting off. Finally, in the early hours of the next day, the last group had gone. Vlad said goodnight and said to Kris, "I really liked the music, Kris, you keep going with that." To Adam, he said, "Great party, Adam, I'll let you know when I have mine. You take care of him," Vlad said looking at Kris.

Adam closed the door, turned to Kris and said, "Thank God. Let's blow out the candles, turn off the lights, and forget the rest until tomorrow, late tomorrow."

"Great idea. It was quite a party."

"You think so?"

"People had fun. I had fun."

"You were awesome, Kris. People know who you are now and that should help you get some gigs."

Kris gave Adam a hug then kissed him. "What shall we do next?" Kris asked, slyly.

"Come with me and I'll show you," Adam said.

"Welcome to the inner sanctum," Adam said kissing Kris.

"Should I be honored?" Kris asked, looking around.

"Mmm hmmm, more than you know," Adam said continuing to kiss Kris. He's the only man who's ever been in this room, Adam thought.

The room was large, with glass doors leading to yet another patio. There was a large kiva fireplace, and a huge bed facing it. Kris could see a master bathroom through a doorway on the closest wall. The room was very masculine and completely uncluttered. There was a seating area dominated by large leather chairs.

Adam continued kissing Kris while slowly walking them over to the bed. When they hit the edge of the bed Kris fell over onto it and Adam fell down on top of Kris. "Mmm, I have you just where I want you," Adam murmured. He started unbuttoning Kris's shirt while kissing his neck. Kris put his arms under Adam's shirt then pulled it up and off. The feeling of skin against skin was exquisite. Kris pushed up on Adam, turning him over onto his back. He kissed Adam hungrily, wanting him badly. Kris used his knee to push Adam's legs apart then started grinding hard into his groin. Kris was moaning loudly, kissing Adam hard, telling him how much he wanted him. "Adam, I want to fuck you, please, do you want me?"

Adam pushed back, flipping Kris onto his back. A power struggle with my little cowboy, Adam thought. I think I like it. "I so wanted to ravage you, Kris. Can't I, hmmm?"

"I want you to ravage me, but first I want to feel your ass around my dick." He pushed Adam onto his back again, pinning his arms down. Adam liked that and started responding. He kissed Kris hard, moaning, as Kris started to undo his jeans. "Don't move," Kris ordered. He took off his own jeans, then tugged at Adam's.

"You are fierce when you want something, Kris," Adam said, grabbing him the moment his jeans were off, and kissing him hard again. Adam reached to the nightstand, grabbed the KY and handed it to Kris. "Here, baby." I'm giving up control, Adam thought. I'm really doing it.

Kris grinned, knowing he'd won this round. They continued kissing, rolling around the bed a few times, still playing at control. Kris finally got the upper hand, parting Adam's legs, and slid two fingers into Adam. Adam hadn't felt that for a long time, but this was Kris, and he loved the idea of being fucked by him. They were moaning, kissing, panting, hard and rough. Kris stopped for a moment, looked into Adam's eyes, and thrust his dick into him in one fast move, making Adam gasp. "Jesus..."

"I knew you'd love it," Kris panted, fucking Adam hard and deep. "I knew you were a slut, deep down."

Adam was wild, with desire, with emotion, and love. Fucking him is like being on a different level of existence, Adam thought.

"Kris...Kris, love it, baby."

"I love you, Adam," Kris moaned as he came all too soon. "Fuck...Adam," Kris groaned then kissed him, hard and sloppy, then moved next to Adam, holding him close.

He held Adam's face in his hands, kissed him some more, softly, passionately. "I've never, Adam..never felt like this," he managed to say, still panting.

"I haven't either. Is this what love feels like?"

"I think so."

"Like the blind leading the blind, isn't it?"

Kris laughed a little and said, "Yeah, guess it is."

They were still clinging to one another when Adam finally moved and said, "Come up here with me." He pulled down the bed covers, and pulled Kris up, and under the covers, then surrounded him with his body in a tight cocoon. "Mmm...that's good. You're such a good boy. Beautiful." Then he almost whispered into Kris's ear, "I think I'm in love with you."

"Adam, I...I am so in love with you..."

They dozed off for a while until Kris was awakened by feeling kisses being rained on his face, and down his neck. The heat was rising in both of them. Kris felt Adam's hand all over his body and heard him moan softly. "Mmm, I need you, turn over, baby."

Kris turned over slowly, and felt Adam's hands, moving down his back, squeezing his butt, running down his legs. "I need to do a painting of your ass. Share the beauty with the world...mmm."

"Sorry, Adam, my ass is for you only." Kris felt the slightly queasy sensation in his stomach rise, his skin was sensitive to every touch from Adam. "Do you know what you're doing to me right now?" he asked.

"I hope I'm driving you crazy, and I hope this drives you even crazier," Adam said, sliding a finger into Kris's ass. Kris inhaled and moaned. "I am. I love fucking you. Your ass is so fucking hot."

Adam lifted Kris from the hips, pulling him closer. With both hands on Kris's ass, he spread him open. Jesus, Kris...for you, baby, only for you," Adam said, and pushed his dick into Kris. "So beautiful."

Kris pushed back against Adam, seeking his rhythm. "Adam, more, all of you...that's what I mean."

Adam listened to Kris moan and swear, and watched the expressions on his face, as he fucked him hard with emotion and need. "Beautiful...mmm. Can't wait." Adam fucked Kris and stroked his dick hard until Kris almost screamed. "Baby...I..." Adam couldn't speak, he just felt. Pure, raw need and emotion overtook him, and he came in a fury of real passion. "Come with me, baby." He felt Kris erupt, and peak just after he did. They collapsed together in a chorus of moans. The sound of panting and breathlessness filled the quiet room.

Adam pulled the covers over them and surrounded Kris with his body again. "That's just too fucking good...mmm...you are precious."

"I didn't know it could be like that, I really didn't know," was all Kris said as he kissed Adam's neck and burrowed his head against his chest.

In the morning, they took a shower together, and completely lost it when they started washing each other. They both discovered the joys of blow jobs under a stream of hot water.

"Now I know what a shower can be," Kris said and laughed. "I never knew that either."

"Watch out. We're like two children on a mission of discovery." Adam laughed. "Think of the possibilities."

"I am thinking," Kris laughed. "I need coffee, Adam. Do we have coffee?"

"We do soon, baby. Follow me."

Adam soon had their coffee ready. "I kind of like domestic Adam," Kris said. "You're cute in the kitchen."

"Cute? Don't think anyone's ever called me cute before."

"Just beautiful, right?"

"Maybe. But I think I like cute better," Adam said, smiling. "Want some breakfast, too?"

"Yeah. Want me to help?"

"No. It's your turn to be cute and just sit there. I live to serve you, gorgeous."

"You have such a way with words, Adam."

"Don't I though?" Adam laughed.

Soon, Adam had made them omelets and thick slabs of toasted left-over bread.

"This is really good. How did you learn to cook?"

"I can tell you've never lived by yourself. It's called necessity if you want to eat decent food. Otherwise, there is peanut butter, but that gets old."

"Yeah, guess I'll have to work on that," Kris said. "It's late, isn't it?"

"About ten," Adam said. "You have to be somewhere?"

"Yeah, I've already missed church and the parents are going to be pissed. Lots of explaining to do. And, there'll be hell to pay if I miss Sunday dinner, the one my mom slaves over every Sunday. Noon sharp."

"I hope you don't get in too much trouble. What are you going to tell them? Where you were?"

"For now, I'm going to hint at a girlfriend. You have no idea how much I don't want to do that but I'm not ready to go any deeper than that with them right now. I just can't, not yet."

"It's okay, Kris. I've never told my parents and I don't intend to. I don't want to go there either, not with them."

"They wouldn't like it?"

"They'd hate it and me and so I haven't."

"I am 25, Adam. I think it's time I get to have a life. I really am going to change things."

"Yeah, it really is. What are you going to do? Are you really going to move out?"

"Yup. I'm telling them again today, at Sunday dinner. I'll start looking. You're delivering the portrait on Wednesday?"

"That's what I'm thinking," Adam said.

"I'll look for a place and a job after that."

Adam looked at Kris for a moment, then kissed him. "It'll be okay. If you have to, remember that you can stay with me."

"I wouldn't want to mess up your life."

"You don't. I kinda like having you around. 'Cause you're so cute. Kris, I feel so many things for you. I have a hard time expressing them."

"You've never been close to anyone, have you, much less in love?"

Adam looked at Kris, looking a little sad, and said, "No. I haven't. Not ever. You're different than anyone I've ever known. I don't know why, but I'm willing to risk..." Adam stopped.

"What? Willing to risk what?" Kris asked.

Adam thought carefully for a moment. "Pain, I think. Loss. It goes way back, Kris, and I'm not ready to go there, okay?"

"Okay," Kris said. "But if you ever are I promise to be around."

"Thanks," Adam said, and kissed him again. "When will I see you again?"

"I think I better see what I can work out with my parents this week. I don't know...what's going to go down, after Wednesday, anyway. I'm sorry. I wish I didn't have to leave at all. I've just got to work this out."

"It's okay, let's say next weekend, that makes me feel better. See, I'm easy," Adam said laughing.

"I wouldn't ever want to hurt you or make you feel bad in any way," Kris said. "I'm not very good at sentiments either. I want so much to get to know you. You make me feel so much, great things. I'm in love with you. I am. It's that simple."

"You are precious, you know," Adam said. "I want to know everything about you too. There's so much there to know. We'll work it all out somehow. I love you too, I mean it."

Adam watched Kris walk away and close the gate. It was an empty feeling. What am I going to do with myself until I see him again? He realized that had never been a problem before and he knew he'd make it and live his life. But Adam also knew that something had changed in him. It was difficult to feel needy but that's what he felt. What if Kris couldn't or wouldn't work it out? What would Adam do then? My little cowboy has wormed his way into my heart, he thought, and things will never be the same, ever again.

 

Chapter 9

When Kris got home, his parents had just returned from church. His mother went to see to dinner, leaving his father to confront him. "Where were you last night, Kris, and why weren't you here to go to church with us?" Neil asked.

"I was at a party. I have a few friends, you know."

"You didn't come home?"

"I'm 25. Why are you asking a grown man where he was the night before?"

"Damn it, you're my son, and you'll answer me," Neil said, becoming furious.

"I drank too much, wasn't a good idea to drive home, that's all."

"Did this involve a woman? Is that the real reason?"

"It's not your business, Dad. Don't ask me again," Kris said, and walked away.

Things didn't go much better at dinner. Kris told his parents again that he'd be moving out, and would look for a job. "I need to live my life. Maybe I don't want to do what you've always done. I want to try something else."

"Do you have a girlfriend?" his mother asked.

"It's not about having a girlfriend, Mom. It's about me wanting my life. I don't want to hurt you, either of you, but I'm 25, and I need to have my own life."

"That's fine," Neil said, "But don't come back here when it doesn't work out."

"Your father doesn't mean that," his mother said. "Neil, that's not the way to handle it. He wants some freedom. Who wouldn't? This is all he's ever known."

"You're going to disagree with me?" Neil said, not sounding happy.

"Yes, I am. Let Kris do what he needs to do. It's not worth cutting ties over. Please."

"Thanks, Mom," Kris said. "I mean it."

Adam survived until Wednesday by diving into his work. He delivered four paintings to his Santa Fe gallery and worked on several more landscapes. The gallery was also thinking about doing a one-man show for Adam within the next six months, which meant Adam would be working almost non-stop to produce enough good paintings. It would be an important step for him in Santa Fe. He'd had one-man shows before, but not here, and he wanted it to be beyond good.

On Wednesday, Adam wrapped Kris's portrait and put it in his car for delivery to the ranch. He hoped Neil would have a check ready for him. He did not want to have to ask him for it.

The drive out was beautiful. When he could see the ranch house in the distance, he realized he was seeing what Kris had seen his whole life. Who would want to leave that? Adam wondered. Adam was nervous. He hated delivering portraits because of the way people reacted. Pre-conceived notions were a problem many times.

It was late in the day, as Neil had requested. Adam pulled the painting from the back of his car and walked to the front door of a really old adobe building. This has been here forever, he thought. I hope Kris doesn't have to give this up. Wonder how he feels about that? I need to know. Adam knocked on the door and an attractive woman answered.

"You must be Adam," the woman said, and smiled. "I'm Kim Allen, and we've been expecting you. Please come on in."

Adam smiled, and said, "Thank you, Mrs. Allen."

"Please call me, Kim. Neil," she yelled, "Adam is here with the painting. Now where is Kris?"

Adam heard Neil say, "I'll get Kris. He said he's seen it and loves it but he should be here for the formal unveiling."

Kim ushered Adam into a large living room. "Is there anything I can get you, Adam?" she asked.

"I'm fine, Kim," Adam said, leaning the painting against a wall.

Neil and Kris entered the room. Neil put his hand out to shake hands with Adam. "Good to see you and glad to see you finished so quickly. I was afraid it would take longer."

"Kris was a good subject. It was easy," Adam said, smiling. "Okay, here it is. Could I lean it up over here?" Adam said, pointing to a side table. "I'll just move these little things here."

Adam leaned the painting against the wall and took off the covering. "I hope you like it," he said.

Kim was pleased. "Adam, you've caught the dreamer in him. Oh that's wonderful. This is really Kris," she said, smiling and looking at Kris who was also smiling.

"I don't have anything to say against the painting, Adam. It's well done. I can see that. But why is there a guitar in his hands? This boy's a rancher," Neil said.

Kris spoke up and said, "That's what I wanted, Dad. I'm also a musician."

"Yes you are," Kim said. "Neil, that is a beautiful painting. It looks exactly like Kris and I like the guitar much more than a horse. We know he's a rancher. But he's more than that."

"I'm not saying I don't like it," Neil grumbled. "Aren't musical instruments more for girls?"

"No they're not," Kim said, and I don't want to hear any more about it. "Adam, I think you've done a wonderful job, and I know Neil agrees, don't you?"

"Yes, Kim, yes...it's well done. Okay, well thank you, Adam. I have a check for you. Let me just get it."

"Thank you, Adam, really, the painting is great. Neil sometimes has his own...well, ideas," Kim said.

"No offense taken, Kim," Adam said. "I'm happy you and Kris like it so much." He smiled at both of them, lingering on Kris. What is he thinking right now? I wonder. Wish I knew.

Neil returned and handed Adam an envelope. "Thank you, well done."

"Thank you Neil and Kim and Kris for being a great subject. Enjoy the painting. I'll have to be on my way now."

"Thank for your bringing it all the way out here, Adam," Kim said. "It's a pleasure to meet a real artist."

"Thank you and good bye," Adam said. "It was a pleasure meeting you also, Kim."

As he walked to his car Adam thought, I see where he gets his nice part from and his determination too. It all comes from Kim. Quite an interesting woman, much stronger than one might think. She's a lot more than just a housewife. I'd actually like to talk with her sometime. It might prove interesting.

He hated to go without talking to Kris, but Adam could see that wouldn't be possible. Not with Neil around, never with Neil around. Neil didn't know how lucky he was to have Kim, Adam thought. Didn't know it at all.

Adam made himself an early dinner, then went to sit in the courtyard and finish what was left of a bottle of Pinot. He could feel summer coming in the warm breeze blowing softly through the large trees surrounding his house. His brain felt like a battleground, two sides warring with each other. He was restless, torn between being alone and going out. Going out to what? he thought. He knew what, and he wanted to, but he couldn't bear it because of Kris. Adam wondered why random, impersonal sex, appealed to him so much. It was like an itch he couldn't scratch, something that got into his brain and wouldn't go away until he'd done it.

What was different now, was Kris, caring about Kris. That is a completely different kind of sex, Adam thought. He's too nice for me. He deserves more than me. God, I wish he was here. I just need him here, all the time, every day. He had just about resolved to sit still, to not go out, to at least try, when the gate opened and Kris walked into the courtyard. It's like the gods answered my prayers, thought Adam.

"Kris, hey...I didn't expect to see you," Adam said.

Kris said, "Hey, Adam," and walked over and sat down next to Adam. He kissed him on the cheek and said, "I missed you and I want to ask you something."

"I was just missing you too," Adam said, kissing Kris's lips softly.

"My mom loves the portrait and I even think my dad's coming around."

"I like your mom, Kris. She's interesting. I'd like to have a conversation with her sometime. She seems like a fairly open-minded person."

"I'd say she is. I think she has a good heart, She's always supported my interest in music. She's very different than my dad but I think she really loves him. Maybe opposites do attract."

"Kind of like us?"

Kris smiled and said, "Kind of, yeah."

"So...how long do you get to stay?"

"For a little while. I have to get home because there's a lot to do tomorrow and that's because..."

"Because?"

"I told my dad I wanted to get away for a couple of days, think about things, so he's letting me use the house up in Taos for the weekend. I want you to come with me. Can you? Will you? I thought we could leave late Friday morning and come back Sunday afternoon."

Adam thought about all the work he had to do, then thought about how great it would be to have Kris to himself for a whole weekend and knew there was no stopping him. "I'd love it. I'd really like to get out of town and especially with you."

Kris was grinning and said, "All right! I'll drive us in my truck. You've been there before haven't you?"

"Yeah, I have, a couple of times, but I've never had a proper tour."

"Well it's time you did. It's a very special place. My dad's house isn't large, but it's a really nice, old adobe, away from everything, with amazing views all around. You'll love it and probably spend the whole weekend painting."

"I might want to do a few sketches, but I'm looking forward just to spending time with you, okay? Just you and me and a little house in the high desert alone gives me so many ideas."

"I've got a few ideas myself," Kris said, kissing Adam. Kris moved his hands to Adam's shoulders giving them a squeeze. "Um, you're a little tense. We need to do something about that. How can I help?"

"Well..." Adam said slyly, looking at Kris and raising an eyebrow.

"Well, let's see...does 'well' mean I should start here," Kris said, rubbing Adam's rapidly hardening dick. "I see I'm on to something."

"Maybe you are," Adam groaned and kissed Kris more insistently.

"Oh yeah, you need the Kris touch."

"Special is it?"

"Very," Kris said, kissing back hard while undoing Adam's jeans. "Mmm, getting better already," Kris said breathlessly.

Adam growled into Kris's mouth and grabbed his head, running his hands through Kris's hair. "Kris..."

"What?" Kris had his hand around Adam's dick, and was slowly stroking it. "Still tense I see." Kris said and slid down between Adam's legs. He started licking Adam, then groaned as he started sucking, looking at Adam the whole time. "Fuckin' delicious."

Adam tugged, and pulled Kris's hair, wanting more of Kris's mouth swallowing his dick. All Adam could get out were swear words and moans signaling pleasure. Kris was lost in an overwhelming passion for the man he'd fallen for. Very soon Adam felt the beginning of what he wanted so much. He was near the edge, and let himself go completely, feeling many emotions, lust, passion, love. So sweet, he thought as he came, his hands clinging to Kris's head.

Kris looked up at Adam, smiled, and said, "You're looking better already."

Adam laughed and couldn't stop. He pulled Kris up close to him. "Jesus, I would have tried cowboys a long time ago if I'd only known."

"Known what?" Kris asked.

"If I'd known they give fucking great blow jobs."

"Yeah, there's a few cowboys that might surprise you except that you're all mine now."

"No sharing, huh?"

"Nope, none. You're mine," Kris said.

"And are you mine?"

"All yours," Kris said, kissing Adam with passion. "I love your sweet dick and I love you."

"You don't really know me, yet."

"I know enough," Kris said. "You don't know me either."

"Oh I'm getting an idea," Adam said, nibbling on Kris's ear.

"Do you want to know more?"

"Yeah, lots more," Adam said moving his mouth all around Kris's neck. "I still don't know all of your most sensitive parts but I'll find them eventually."

"That might mean a lot of exploring."

"Yeah, it might," Adam said moving his hand over Kris's groin. Adam pressed his hand against Kris's hard dick, licked his neck, and then his ear. "Mmm...you like that, for instance, don't you?"

"Yes."

"And this too."

"Even more."

"I thought so."

"And you really like this," Adam said, grabbing Kris's dick and squeezing, then moaning as his mouth swallowed Kris.

Kris moaned as Adam sucked him hard, surprising him with the intensity of his passion. Adam was sucking hard, fast, wanting to bring Kris to orgasm quickly in an overwhelming rush. "Jesus...Adam," was all Kris could say as he came, stunned by the heat that rose so quickly, pushing him to a height he'd never reached. He shook as he came, lost in pure feeling.

After, they sat together, arms around each other, kissing, looking at each other, each idly touching the other. "It's a good thing you have high walls."

"Yeah, it is. Good thing," Adam said, smiling happily. He was rubbing a finger up and down on Kris's cheek.

When it was completely dark, Kris said, "Gotta go, Adam, really."

"Really?"

"I'll be back on Friday morning about ten, okay?"

"Okay. Is there anything I should bring?"

"Just you, and maybe a camera, and your artist stuff if you want."

"Yeah, maybe a little artist stuff," Adam said, smiling. He is so cute, he thought. "Okay, I'll be ready. Can't wait."

"Okay. I'm leaving." Kris leaned over and kissed Adam one more time, long and lingering. "Hold that thought for Friday."

"Oh I will," Adam said. "Bye, baby."

"So long, Adam."

After Kris was gone, Adam sighed happily. He felt like he understood the meaning of life, his life anyway. It was simple really but it meant that Kris Allen was a part of it. Adam couldn't wait until Friday.

 

Chapter 10

When Kris showed up on Friday morning, Adam was just exiting the studio with his field case. "Hi, Kris. Perfect timing. Just got my case together, and have the camera, too."

"Hey. Ready to go?"

"Yeah, just let me get my other bag, and I'm good to go."

Adam handed the case and camera to Kris and went into his house to get his bag. He locked the door and the gate before leaving. Adam put his bag in the back of the truck and saw that Kris had brought what looked like a lot of stuff. "What've you got here, Kris?"

"Just some stuff we might need, like food. You do want to eat, right?"

"So who's cooking?"

"I'll cook, but you won't like it, or you can cook, and we'll both like it," Kris said laughing.

"I think it's time for your first lesson. I hope you didn't forget the green chili."

"I got 'em since I know you can't live without them now. Green chili and coffee are the two staples of life, right?"

"Good boy," Adam said.

The scenery on the trip to Taos was gorgeous as always. Adam could never get over how far you could see into the distance, and how lonely and beautiful it looked. He'd need to get up to Taos and the surrounding area soon and get more material for landscapes. On this trip he wanted to pay attention to Kris.

It only took a little more than an hour to reach Taos. Before they got to Taos proper, Kris turned off onto an unpaved road. Adam could see a few adobes in the distance, standing alone like monuments. Kris's house had a gate which he had to get out of the truck to open. Inside, there was a short drive with tall trees on both sides, leading up to a really old looking adobe house surrounded by a stone patio. The house wasn't large, but looked comfortable, with a few more trees in the back of the house.

"This is a nice house," Adam said, smiling. "Has your family owned it for a long time?"

"That's what they tell me," Kris said. "Look around. Look at the view. Isn't is amazing?"

"Yeah, it's so quiet, very peaceful. Let's go look."

They took their supplies inside. The house seemed pretty clean considering it was unoccupied most of the time. While putting food away in the kitchen, Kris said, "We have someone up here who cleans up before we get here. I can tell Rose has been here. Lucky us. She'll come and clean up after we're gone too."

"Lucky us is right," Adam said. He started looking around.

The house had small rooms like all old adobes had. The floors were all dark hardwood, and the ceilings all had vigas. There were lots of nooks and crannies. Kris showed Adam the bedroom. "This has always been my bedroom, Adam, so I thought I'd keep it that way."

"Aha, boy Kris's room, I think I like that idea," Adam said. "Do you think we should break it in?"

Kris grabbed Adam from the back, hugging his waist with both arms. "Hell yes we should," he said, walking Adam over to the bed and pushing him down. Adam turned over, grabbed Kris and pulled him down next to him.

"Mmm, I knew I'd like traveling with you," Adam murmured.

"Yeah, new surroundings get the juices flowing, don't they," Kris said as he attacked Adam.

About an hour later, after furious love-making, Kris stirred first, and said, "Adam, I'm hungry, let's go out for lunch and I'll show you around."

"Okay, baby. Did I make you hungry?"

"You have no idea," Kris said kissing Adam.

"I love the plaza, Kris. I love how every town in New Mexico has a plaza." They were having lunch in one of Kris's favorite Mexican places on the plaza. "The little places have the best food don't they?" Adam said.

"Yeah, they seem to. Okay, much better, want to look around?"

They wandered around the plaza and the adjacent streets. "Quite a mixture of touristy stuff and art," Adam said. "Some of the art is pretty good though. Stand right there, I need another picture."

Adam was taking a lot of pictures. "I use them for subject matter and I just like to have some to remember good times. Today is good times right? Okay, I need someone to take a picture of us together in front of this tourist mecca."

Adam found someone and they took a picture of a smiling Kris and Adam. They continued on until Adam stopped in front of a bar. "Kris, they're having an open mike tonight. Let's come back later, and you can play. I know you brought your guitar."

"I don't know, Adam."

"Come on. You have to start somewhere. No one here knows you so it's perfect. Just say yes. I want to watch you sing, okay?"

Kris rolled his eyes, but said, "Okay, for you. Says it starts at eight."

Adam smiled, and said, "Good. Don't worry, you'll be great, and then it'll be easier next time."

"Have you been to the pueblo, Adam?"

"No, should we go?"

"Yeah, it's amazing, talk about painting material."

They'd had enough by late afternoon, and went back to the house. Adam started prepping for dinner later, then came outside and sat down next to Kris, who looked like he was almost meditating. The air was warm, the sun slowly sinking in the sky. The only sound was that of the aspen and cottonwood trees rustling in the breeze.

"I can tell you really like it here. You seem really at peace. What is it that you like so much?" Adam asked.

"Partly, I remember good times, partly there's a feeling here, hard to describe, something a little magical. I want my own house like this someday. An out of he way place with a feeling like this place gives me. Not a ranch, though, definitely not a ranch."

"What would your perfect life be?" Adam asked curious about what really made Kris tick.

Kris thought for a few moments and frowned a little. "I don't know if I can ever have what I'd really like."

"Is it really that difficult?"

"Yeah, and I'm dreaming, I know I am, but...what I want is a house kind of like this, in a place like this, maybe in Taos, or Galisteo. Have you been out to Galisteo?"

"No, I've heard about it, but I haven't looked around."

"It's really small, but talk about magical. It's got the same feeling as here, almost unreal, absolutely beautiful. Anyway, maybe one of those places. I'd like to be able to write music, and play, be creative, maybe find other creative things to do. Be nice to have good friends, too, just a few. Traveling a little too would be great, there's a whole lot of places I'd like to see. And, a dog, or three, maybe a horse. The most important thing for me, though, is someone to share it with. I don't want...don't want to be alone my whole life, I want to love someone forever, which I guess is not realistic, considering...well, you know, but that's what I want. Do you think I'm crazy now? Have I completely scared you?"

Adam looked at Kris for a moment, looked into his eyes, and knew he meant it. "You're not crazy, Kris. Why wouldn't you want what everyone else wants? You deserve to have it too. It's funny, and this is no bullshit, I think I want most of the things you mentioned, too. I've never ever considered the possibility that I'd ever have any of them...well, maybe some of them, but not the really important one."

"And that is?"

"True love, I guess. Is it real? I feel that I love you, Kris, but it's really hard for me to believe that it will last, or that you'd love me back if you knew everything about me."

"But you do love me, now, at this moment, anyway?"

"As well as I know how to," Adam said tears starting at the back of his eyes.

"You don't trust me or anyone, do you?"

"No. It's hard to."

"What happened...did something happen to make you feel that way?"

Adam exhaled and sighed. "When I think about my life, Kris, I think about how I've never been close to anyone, not ever. My parents are very indifferent. They don't really care what I do, they never have. They've always been what I would call...emotionally absent. Let's just say that when I grew up they had no idea what I was doing in school, or what I was interested in, as long as I got the grades. I don't think they knew I liked art and was good at it. Right now they probably wouldn't care if I told them I liked boys instead of girls. I'd probably get another check in the mail and them telling me to have a nice life. They give me money, Kris, just money, and nothing else. They know I'm an artist, even that I'm good, but they've never made it to even one of my shows, or asked to see any of my work, not ever. They just don't care. My dad just works, and my mom socializes and drinks too much."

"How long have you known about yourself, that you preferred guys?"

"About five years. It really surprised me, but there it was, and I'm 95 percent into men, though I could still be with a woman, if I wanted to. Have you ever been into women?"

"I tried, early on, but like I told you, I never felt it. I went out with girls in high school, and a little after, just for my parent's sake, but I never felt it. I've really known for a long time. I'm not that experienced because...well, it's hard to do around here, isn't it?"

"Depends on where you look, I guess," Adam said.

"Where do you look?"

Adam looked at Kris and didn't want to tell him. He'll hate me, Adam thought. "I used to be what you would call a womanizer. I couldn't get enough of them and didn't care about any of them. I used every single woman I've ever known. The same is true with men. I use bars. Gays have to be careful, so I've learned the types, and the signals, and it's all just about sex, for them and for me. That's all it is. You are completely different. It's much more than sex. I do love you, Kris, you're in my heart now...I can't shake it. Loving you fills me up, makes me feel great. Can you live with that? Can you really love someone like me?"

A tear fell down Adam's cheek. Kris reached over and wiped it off. He held Adam's chin and turned it so he could look into Adam's eyes.

"You've had a hard time, haven't you?" Kris said. "I love you, Adam, but I don't know if you'll believe me. If you don't believe me then it will never work. I think things take time though, the good things anyway, and I think it's too soon to know what could happen. People don't change overnight, but they do change, at least in some ways. I think you have a heart, Adam, it just got broken a long time ago. We've only known each other for a month or so, not long. How about if we give it time. Trust has to be earned. I'm willing to earn yours if you'll do the same for me."

"Yes, Kris, I can, I will, I do love you even if I don't really understand it. I care very much and I never...have before."

"Okay, Adam, I believe you, and please believe me, I love you, you make me crazy. Good crazy, like I'm walking on air, crazy. It's so hard to find that, and I don't want to lose it, okay?"

"Okay, and I know it is...hard to find. Please kiss me my sweet cowboy."

Kris sat in Adam's lap and they made out for a while. Finally, Adam pulled away and said, "Time to eat, baby, then on to your musical debut."

They went to the bar with the open mike at about eight so Kris could sign up, since they had no idea how many people wanted to play. It was a straight bar, so they became two buddies out together to play a little music and do a little cruising for the ladies. Just two regular guys out on a Friday night. Kris got his turn around ten. Each person got two songs so Kris chose a cover and one of his own songs. He was nervous but Adam told him to go for it so he did. Once he got into the music he forgot where he was anyway.

The portion of the crowd that listened seemed to like Kris a lot. There were a few cheers, and the girls clapped and giggled. Adam had cheered the loudest and watched as Kris left the small stage with the girls calling to him. Adam himself was surrounded by a small group of women all trying to get close to him. Kris noticed the attention Adam was getting as he walked up to him. I can see why, Kris thought. He's looking really beautiful tonight.

Adam smiled at Kris and winked. Kris smiled and said "hello" to the girls. Adam nodded towards the door to Kris who followed him outside. "I see what you mean about women," Kris said. "They adore you. Should I be jealous?"

"God no. I'm all over girls believe me," Adam laughed. "Especially when I've got this gorgeous guy right here next to me. I think I better take you home now though. Some of those girls wanted you bad."

"I just want you, Adam," Kris said smiling.

Before they drove off, Kris gave Adam a quick kiss, and said, "I've been dying to kiss you. Is it hot in this truck?"

"Yeah, let's go before it overheats," Adam said smiling.

They started kissing again the minute they got out of the truck, kissing and walking, unbuttoning shirts, pulling at shirts, in the door, kicking off shoes, grabbing zippers, pulling off tee-shirts, pants coming off, still kissing, moaning now, swearing when clothes didn't come off easily, walking down a long hallway, kissing, moaning, growling, sweating, panting, hands all over each other, unable to wait any longer. They were still in the hallway, kissing furiously, hard, needy, sloppy, when Adam pushed Kris against the wall, picked him up by his butt, and told Kris, "Legs around me, now."

Kris groaned loudly, and complied, his dick pushing against Adam's stomach. "I can't wait a minute more," Adam growled and pushed a finger into Kris's ass. "You want me to fuck you, Kris, hmmm?" Adam asked.

"Adam, yes, baby...please," Kris moaned and kissed Adam hard, then pulled his hair and looked into his eyes. "Fuck me...Adam..."

Adam pushed into Kris hard, and said, "Like that, baby?"

"That."

Kris hung on to Adam as he fucked him hard, relentlessly, while gripping his butt, digging into Kris. After a few moments the pleasure outweighed the pain, and Kris let go and the only sounds were those of skin slapping skin, of cursing, panting, groaning, screaming. Kris's dick was sliding against Adam's stomach as Adam fucked him, and he soon lost it, plunging over the edge into his own world of pleasure. When Adam felt Kris come all over his stomach, he was wild with desire and need as he thrust hard two, three more times, slamming Kris hard against the wall as he came.

They both collapsed on the floor. "Jesus fucking Christ, Kris." They had their arms around each others' necks, panting, trying to find air.

"Adam...good...so good."

"Beyond good...Jesus. C'mon, baby, let's get to bed." He pulled Kris up from the floor, put his arms around him and kissed him hard and sloppy.

Kris pulled back the covers and they climbed into bed. Adam pulled Kris close to him, kissed his mouth, his face, caressed his face. Kris..."

"Yeah."

"Kris...I really do love you...you are just...so...I just love you is all."

Kris smiled and said, "I know...I love you, too." And he kissed him again. They stayed that way for a long time, kissing, not wanting to stop, each caressing the other. They finally fell asleep, entangled, not wanting to move away, feeling joy in the closeness they felt.

The next morning, Kris woke up to sunlight pouring into the bedroom. He opened his eyes slowly, his hand searching for Adam, but he found himself alone. Curiosity and the faint smell of coffee got him out of bed quickly. He put on a pair of jeans and walked a little unsteadily toward the kitchen. Kris found coffee but no Adam. He poured a cup and headed for the front door. When he pushed open the screen door he saw him. Adam had positioned himself back away from the house and it looked like he was doing a painting.

Kris waved at Adam when he looked toward him. He saw Kris and waved back holding up a finger to indicate it would take him a minute to finish. Kris sipped on his coffee and watched Adam who looked like a wild child in the morning light. Adam wore only jeans. Kris admired his long, lean torso, and the way he moved as he painted. He felt heat starting in the pit of his stomach, moving out, waking him far more than the coffee could. When at last Adam finished, he smiled a big smile and walked towards Kris.

"Kris."

"Good morning, beautiful," Kris said.

Adam put his hands on Kris's shoulders and kissed him. "Good morning yourself," Adam said, smiling. "Mmm...coffee."

"You're up early," Kris said.

"I woke up and the light was so beautiful I had to get out here and see more, and then I looked at the house, and it looked almost mystical, so I had to do a little sketch. I want to do some more sketches today, then maybe include them in the landscape series I'm working on, or maybe start a whole new group of landscapes."

"I can tell you're really excited about it."

"Yeah this is just beautiful," Adam said, waving his hands to indicate he meant everything. "Come and see what I've done."

Adam took Kris's hand and pulled him toward the easel. He'd done three oil sketches so far using small canvases. These were all of the house, but from slightly differing angles, and different levels of light, too. Adam had captured the sun rising around the house.

"I might have to fit you into one of these later today." He looked at Kris, really looked at his bare, muscled chest, and actually wished he could do a nude of Kris.

"I thought I'd work on a song or two later so maybe you'll get your wish," Kris said.

"That's looking great, Adam, but...this is looking much better," Kris said, reaching out a hand and running it down a long, slightly muscled arm. "And this too," Kris smiled, running his hand across Adam's flat stomach, then up his chest, and around his neck. "Yeah it's looking really great," Kris said smiling slyly.

Adam noticed the look in Kris's eye and was up for the challenge. "You're so observant," Adam said, putting a hand around Kris's neck and pulling him close for a kiss. Adam's stomach was full of butterflies, his whole body was feeling the warmth and the intense desire he felt for this man. It's almost too much, he thought.

Kris kissed him back hard, needy and demanding. He kept kissing Adam while leading him toward the house. The heat kept escalating as their hands roamed each other's bodies rough and passionate. They almost stumbled trying to go inside the house, but Kris saved Adam from falling, saying to him, "No falling until we get inside. I am so going to have my way with you."

"Do you always wake up like this?" Adam said, growling into another kiss.

"Only when you're walking around half-naked like you are, flaunting it and all."

"Good to know," Adam said.

Kris was pushing Adam into the living room. Adam thought, Kris's in control but I fucking like it. He said, "So, what do I get for all that...flaunting, hmm...do I get a reward?"

"Oh, hell, yes...good boys get rewards."

"Is it what I think it is?" Adam asked smiling coyly.

"Turn around and find out," Kris said, pushing Adam down over the edge of a couch, while using his knee to push apart Adam's legs. Adam groaned when he felt a finger sliding into his ass. "Jesus, Kris."

Kris slid two fingers into Adam, fucking his ass until they both were panting. "Ready for your reward?" Kris asked, "Or should I wait?"

"No...don't wait, no...Kris, please," Adam begged. He almost couldn't breathe, wanting, needing Kris's dick the only thing in his mind.

Kris thrust into Adam all at once. He pulled Adam back a couple of steps and grabbed his hips, holding him steady as he fucked his beautiful ass. "Jesus...God," Kris moaned. "Your ass is a work of art, Adam...shit."

They continued for some time, breathless, sweating, swearing, screaming, each passionate in his desire, until Kris came in a final fury of profanity, holding on to Adam's dick, and stroking hard, until Adam came groaning and finally collapsing with a loud sigh.

Kris put his arms around Adam's waist and pulled him down the the floor next to him, and started kissing him again. Kris was unstoppable, simply lost in his emotions. Adam was much the same, unable to stop, wanting more of Kris. They lay on the floor together, finally just looking into each other's eyes, smiling slightly, not needing words to express that what they felt was love.

Finally Adam moved to get up. "Come on, let's start the day. It's late. Ttime for brunch and your first cooking lesson, okay?"

"Okay, beautiful, as long as you know I'm not good at boiling water."

"You will be," Adam said, smiling.

Adam was painting lots of sketches, mere impressions of the landscape in the area. He did a couple of sketches of Kris with his guitar in the sunlight, playing, concentrating. Kris seemed to be deep in thought. I wonder what he's thinking about, Adam thought smiling to himself. I hope it's about me, about us. How are we ever going to do this? If we come out, we'll be outcasts in Santa Fe, maybe not as bad as in other places. The artists will support us. I know they will. Maybe the other gays will come out of the woodwork. Don't count on it, Adam. Don't forget how much most people hate you just for being you. They'd just as soon kill you as look at you. Be careful.

In his life Adam had been called all the bad names many times. He knew how much it hurt, remembered how it made him feel, starting back in high school, just because he liked art more than sports, and wore his hair long. That was when he'd started on the girls, overdoing it with girls, just to prove a point, so they wouldn't call him names anymore. He knew that was the beginning of his addiction, of using sex to be in control. That's really what it was. He knew it but that didn't necessarily make it any easier to overcome. I have to this time, he thought, at least I do if I want Kris.

By mid-afternoon Adam had had enough. There were enough sketches to do a whole series of landscapes. They'd be his first series on Taos. He'd try and recreate both the mystery and the peace of the place. He started putting all his work in the back of the truck and covering them up carefully. He looked over at Kris, who was watching him with half-closed eyes, a slight smile on his face. Adam gave him a little smile back and walked over to him.

"How about a nap? Come and lie down with me for a while."

"I'm feeling sleepy too, must be the pure quiet of the place."

They lay down together in the bedroom, Adam spooned around Kris, holding him close. Adam kissed the back of Kris's neck saying, "Mmm, you smell like sunlight. I adore you, Kris, mmm."

Kris picked up Adam's hand and kissed it. "You smell like turpentine. I'm starting to love that smell. It's you, Adam. Has anyone ever called you sweet? You are."

When they woke up, it was around five. Adam smiled lazily at Kris and said, "Let's be decadent. I'll whip us up a pitcher of margaritas and I'll see what we have left for dinner too."

"Let's go look," Kris said after kissing Adam sweetly.

They looked in the refrigerator together. Kris shrugged and said, "Does that look like dinner to you?"

"Yeah. I'm seeing burritos with a green chili sauce, salad, refried beans, and guacamole. Sound good?"

"You see all that?"

"Yeah, I do. Someday you will too," Adam said and laughed.

"If you say so," Kris said, looking a little mystified.

"I see this cooking thing is going to be a long process," Adam said. "Maybe we should find you another job."

"At least until I can boil water anyway," Kris said. "You can show me margaritas, is that a good beginning?"

"A very solid foundation, Kris," Adam said, laughing some more. "The sooner, the better."

"That wasn't difficult, was it?" Adam asked.

"No. Margaritas are easy. You keep that written down somewhere?"

"Oh, yeah, I have all kinds of books at home. Maybe I'll give you reading assignments."

Kris rolled his eyes. "Maybe I'll start with biscuits some morning."

"Can't wait," Adam said. He poured out two margaritas. "A toast to a great weekend, over all too soon I'm afraid."

"A great weekend, Adam, the best."

They were sitting at a large, old, rather rough-hewn, kitchen table. The kitchen was fairly large for such an old house but was quite rustic.

"I like this kitchen, Kris, it's very...real."

"Definitely real. I like it too, it's lived in, casual, easy."

"That's it, easy."

"So, are you relaxed?" Adam asked.

"I'm relaxed. I've had time to do a little thinking. Adam, I was curious. In all of your travels, what have been your favorite places?"

It only took Adam a moment to say, "My number one favorite place, aside from Santa Fe, was San Francisco. I love the ocean, but I would actually compare it to here in the sense that it's also a very magical place. The light is not as good as it is here, but the air is great, different, wet and foggy as compared to dry. The smells are different. From a distance it looks like Oz might. Except for the Presidio and Golden Gate Park, it's almost solid houses tucked away on steep hillsides. It's really beautiful."

"What are the people like there?" Kris asked still curious.

"Well, they're friendly, really friendly, even to guys like us. There's a large gay population there, a whole district that's gay. That doesn't mean everyone likes gays but there's a lot more acceptance there. It's safer, at least in certain areas. You can live openly without being afraid. The gays have made it beautiful too, restoring old Victorian houses, building a beautiful neighborhood. There's lots to do too. You should see the view from Nob Hill and from the Golden Gate Bridge. There are vistas there, just different than the ones here."

"Sounds beautiful. So why did you leave?"

Adam looked at Kris, took a gulp of his margarita, and said, "Because that's another way I avoid becoming attached to anything. If you move on you can't get attached."

"Sounds like that was hard for you to say."

Adam looked down at the glass in his hands, and said, "It is hard to say. I'm starting to get an idea of why I do the things I do."

"The things you don't like?"

"Yeah, those things."

"I guess you have your reasons," Kris said.

Adam picked up Kris's hand and kissed it. "If you never did anything else for me in my life there's one thing you have done. You got me thinking about myself...I didn't want to, it's much easier to avoid things, that's what I've always done. So, if nothing else, thank you for that."

"You should give yourself some credit, Adam. You're the only one who can change, no one can do it for you," Kris said.

"I know but maybe you inspired me," Adam said smiling. "Looks like someone needs another margarita." He poured two more.

"Do you ever want to go back to San Francisco?"

"Yeah, I'd go back there. Want to come with me?" Adam asked half joking.

"I'd go with you. I'd like to see it. It sounds like it would be an easier place to live than here."

"But you love it here, you've always lived here."

"Maybe it's time for something new. It doesn't have to be forever does it?"

"No, it doesn't. Why are you thinking about this, Kris?"

"Because I don't know what's going to happen with my dad. If he ever found out...about us, I don't know what he'd do. It scares me."

"That bad, huh?"

"I think so. I don't know if he'd leave us alone."

"It wouldn't be fair of him to drive you away from your home, Kris."

"Sometimes there's no other choice. I want to travel a little anyway. I really want to see San Francisco and maybe Hollywood."

"Hollywood?"

"Have you been?"

"I stayed for a while. That's one place I wouldn't want to live again. It's shallow. It's a hard place that makes you hard in time. I don't need to be any more cynical than I already am."

"Did you meet any movie stars?"

"Yeah, I ran into a few," Adam said. He was not going to tell Kris about the movie stars, about how so many were closeted gays, some kinky, some nice, many of them kind of fun to fuck, but none of them particularly interesting to be around for very long. "It's kind of a normal, every day thing in L.A., nothing really to tell," Adam said.

"I guess I need to see a few places," Kris said, "So I can tell for myself."

"Tell you what, someday we'll take a world tour, okay?"

"The world?"

"Why not, it's all just waiting for us," Adam said, smiling.

Adam made them dinner, and Kris cleaned up. "My job is cleaning up, Adam. That's fair, okay, and if you keep kissing my neck like that I'll never get done."

Adam pouted a little, and said, "Okay, how 'bout if I make us a fire. I'd love to hang out with you on the couch with a fire."

"I like the way you think," Kris said.

When Kris walked into the living room, Adam patted the couch next to him, and said, "C'mere, my little cowboy, I've been waiting for you."

"Mmm...nice," Kris said. He sat sideways with his feet up on the couch, and his head on Adam's shoulder. "I wish we didn't have to leave."

"I know, it was way too fast, but we'll just have to do it again. I could get my own house up here, you know, then we could come up anytime we wanted. to."

"You'd actually do that?" Kris asked.

"Yeah, I might want to, I think I like it as much as you do. I'd like to meet some of the artists up here. Vlad...you remember Vlad, from the party...he lived up here for a long time, he knows everyone. Quite a group of people I'm told. I'm going to think about it. I want to see Galisteo too."

"Maybe I'll show you next week," Kris said. "As I said, it's magical."

They spent the evening talking about everything. Adam opened a special Chardonnay he'd brought. "You're going to learn all about wine too. Here's to us."

"To us, Adam. Mmm...nice and spicy."

They talked some more and were quiet sometimes. Adam and Kris were very comfortable with each other. The night had a soft edge to it. Adam watched the flames dancing around the room and finally looked at Kris and how beautiful he looked in the golden firelight. He saw Kris look at him, brown eyes soft and deep with what he was feeling. He felt Kris's hand touch his cheek, softly, and watched as it slowly made it's way down, caressing his face and moving up through his hair until finally resting on the back of his neck. He heard Kris sigh, a small sound in a room filled with crackling flames and electricity.

They started making out, slowly, sweetly, leading to each giving the other long, slow, mind altering blow-jobs. Kris stared into Adam's blue eyes, way in, and said to him, "I love you...really love you."

Adam kissed him and said, "I love you, too."

They continued making out until the fire finally burned out, and the last of the wine was gone. Kris stirred and said, "Come with me, Adam, let's be comfortable," and he took a very sleepy Adam to the bedroom. They both were both naked already so Kris pulled the covers back and lay down, pulling Adam down with him. They put their arms around each other, and went to sleep after a final kiss, with Kris's head against Adam's chest. Kris's last thought before going to sleep was how much he loved the way Adam curled around him, enveloping him like a cocoon.

 

Chapter 11

The next morning Adam and Kris sipped coffee and had breakfast until it was time to pack up and return home. "Rose will be out to clean up tomorrow, so I'll just do the dishes and she'll put them all away, and do the bed and other cleaning up when she's here." Kris said.

"Let's go, baby. Hate to go, but we do what we have to," Adam said.

The drive back was just as beautiful as on the way up to Taos. "We're lucky it didn't rain but look at those clouds forming over there," Kris said, pointing off into the distance. "That one's coming together early. Looks like it'll be right over Santa Fe."

Adam shivered a little and said, "That's a scary looking one. I had a great time. Nice to have you all to myself. I'm selfish that way," Adam said, laughing.

"Me too. I love it up there. We'll be back sometime."

Kris dropped Adam off at about one in the darkening afternoon. He helped him carry all his oil sketches into the studio. Dark clouds loomed above them and loud thunderclaps boomed around them. "Go home quick now, Kris. Don't get caught in the storm, okay?" Adam said, kissing him quickly. "I'll see you soon."

"Soon, that's a promise," Kris said, smiling. When Kris was gone, Adam hurried into his house. The wind was picking up. This was going to be quite a thunderstorm. It reminded Adam of storms on the East coast, the kind that had always scared him when he was a kid. He shivered, and went inside, hoping Kris made it home quickly.

Kris arrived home as the first large drops of rain were starting to fall. He grabbed the few items he had from the back of the truck and ran to his house. It was very quiet inside. He put down his bag and headed to the kitchen expecting to find his mom there. It was after Sunday dinner time but he thought she might still be there cleaning up. He shrugged and went back to the front to get his bag and go to his room.

He saw his dad standing there. He didn't look happy. "I see you're home. How was the house?"

"It was fine, great, like always. Where's Mom?"

"She's lying down, not feeling well,. We need to talk." He pointed to the living room.

"What's up, Dad?"

"We had a little get together last night. Katherine and John were here. They told us they'd seen you last weekend, at Adam's house, playing your guitar, and singing."

"Yeah, I was there, so what about it?"

"John said you two looked cozy, know what I mean?"

"No, what do you mean?"

"Like you were really good friends."

"We are friends. He did my portrait."

"More than friends, Kris. He said you acted like he was your boyfriend. Now tell me that's not true."

Kris hesitated. He didn't know what to say, except he did know that he wanted his own life, and he also hated lying. Sure, he'd lied in a way about the ranch hands that were his lovers, but he was never asked directly about them. This was different. Kris was stubborn and knew it shouldn't matter and wanted to say so. He knew he shouldn't, but he did. "I think you could say he's my boyfriend."

"Did you just say to me that this...man, is your boyfriend?"

"Yes."

"Since when are you a homosexual?"

Kris's mom had heard them and entered the living room. She looked awful. She's probably already taken the brunt of this, Kris thought.

"Since always."

"What about all your girlfriends? Are you telling me you weren't doin' it with them?"

"The girlfriends were what you expected. I've never been with a woman."

"What the fuck have you been doing, Kris?" his father screamed.

"Neil, please..." his mother tried to interject.

"My son is not a fucking homosexual."

"I am, Dad. Now you know. Do you want to hate me?"

"You are no son of mine."

"Neil, stop it, don't do this."

"Kim, you are so weak. You did this to him, you and your music lessons. What did you do to him? You and that damned Adam Lambert. What did he do to you?"

"It's no one's fault," Kris said. "It's not my fault. This is who I am."

"I want you the fuck out of my house," Neil said. He walked up to Kris and slapped him hard. "Get the fuck out." He hurried out of the room slamming doors as he went.

"Kris, I'm sorry...Kris," Kim said, crying now.

Kris was in shock. He looked at Kim, and said, "It doesn't matter, Mom. Don't hate me too, please?"

"I don't hate you, Kris. I love you, you're my son."

"I'm just going to get a few things and I'll be gone," Kris said. "He meant it and that's fine."

Kris got as much as he could, some clothes, the songs he'd written, and his guitar. The rain was pouring down, the thunder booming all around him as he ran to his truck, throwing his few belongings into the front seat. He sat there for a moment trying to understand what had just happened. This was not what he'd wanted, not like this. Kris wanted to cry but knew that wouldn't help, not right now. He did the only thing he thought he could handle and that was to go to Adam. Adam was his family now.

Adam was sitting at the piano absently hitting keys at random while he thought about Kris. He already missed him and hated that he did, but loved it in a way too. He brings out the best in me, Adam thought. I really should learn to play a little, he thought, wondering if he had the patience. It might be amusing to Kris. He heard knocking on his front door. Adam sighed, and thought, Who could possibly be here right now?

He went to the door and opened it. Kris was standing there, a little damp and a lot unhappy. He looks like he's about to cry, Adam thought. He noticed that Kris had his guitar and a duffel bag.

"Kris...hi, what a surprise," Adam said, frowning a little. "Come in. Is everything...all right?"

"No," Kris said, a tear finally rolling down his face. "Nothing's all right, Adam."

Adam stepped back. "Put your stuff down. What's the matter?"

Kris put his arms around Adam and pushed his face into his chest. "Adam..." Kris said and started crying in earnest.

Adam kicked the door closed and hugged Kris back. "Tell me...please," Adam managed to say. He'd never seen Kris like this and he was worried.

"My parents know, Adam...about me, about us," Kris said, still crying and holding on tight to Adam.

"But how? You told them?" Adam asked, incredulous.

"They had a party...on Saturday, last night...Katherine and John told them they'd seen me here last weekend with you. My dad...he asked me what was going on...he said John said you looked like my boyfriend."

"Jesus, Kris...what was he thinking?"

"I don't know, Adam...but my dad asked me and I had to...had to tell him." He looked up at Adam and said, "I'm not good at lying when asked directly, Adam. It's...hard. I can avoid things but not lie."

"I know."

"Adam, he...he slapped me and he...he told me he hated me. My mom was crying. She was a lot nicer than he was...she said she still loved me...but he doesn't, Adam...I knew he'd hate me."

"It's okay," Adam said, trying to soothe him a little. "I know it's hard, baby, I know."

"He told me to get out...I'll never be able to go back...not ever."

"Maybe it's better that they know now. You don't have to hide it from them anymore."

"I know but I think I've really let them down."

"Kris, look at me, please," Adam said. "You didn't let anyone down. You have the right to live and be the way you want. You've been a good son, more than good, in my opinion."

"I just didn't think he would hate me that much...just...because..."

"It's not right and not fair I know...right now it's just the way it is." Adam used both thumbs to wipe away the tears under Kris's eyes. "Please just stay here. Don't worry about anything for a while, please. I don't want to think about you out there somewhere alone, okay?"

"What about your life? I don't want to mess up your life too."

"Don't you see, you are a part of my life now...an important part. You've got to trust me. We've got to help each other."

Kris sighed and put his head back against Adam's chest. "I didn't know where else to go," Kris said. "Adam, what about you? Everyone's going to know about you now too. What have I done?" Kris started crying again.

"I'll deal. Don't have a choice now do I? I'm not going to blame you. I should have known better than having a party and basically putting us both out there. Why wasn't I thinking? I don't know but it's too late now. I'm tired of lying too...so tired. I have some friends you know. There's a lot of gays here and the artists too. Most of them will support us."

"I hope so but I'm not so sure."

"Kris, c'mon, let's go sit down, okay?" He took Kris's hand and led him to the living room. "Sit. I'm going to get you something. Don't move."

Adam came back with a double scotch for both of them. "A little of this will make you feel better. Try it for me."

They sat together for a long time. Adam tried to make Kris feel better and Kris tried to calm down. The phone started ringing. bringing them both out of their thoughts. Adam answered. It was Vlad.

"Adam, the news is out. You and Kris are out whether you want to be or not."

"I know, Vlad. Kris is here. I hear Katherine and John had something to do with it." He briefly told Vlad what had happened."

"Adam, I need to talk to both of you. Can I come over?"

Adam wasn't sure but he did know that Vlad was a friend. "Okay, sure, Vlad. We're here."

"Kris, Vlad's coming over. He knows the Santa Fe scene, maybe he'll have some ideas on what we should do. I trust him."

"God, the whole world knows don't they?" Kris said.

"I'm afraid so. We're going to have to cope."

Kris looked devastated. "I'm so sorry. This really is my fault. I've ruined your life."

"I'm not ruined if I still have you, okay?"

Vlad was at the door, and Adam let him in. He didn't look happy when he walked into the living room and saw a defeated-looking Kris. "Hey, Kris."

"Hello, Vlad," Kris said. "The whole world knows don't they?"

Vlad nodded "yes." "Adam, please, a little vodka, may I?"

"Hell, yes," Adam, said, getting a glass and a bottle. He poured out a little and handed it to Vlad, who promptly drank it down and poured some more.

"So, are you two good, are you ready for this?" Vlad asked.

"I'm not leaving Kris," Adam said.

"And I'm not leaving Adam," Kris said.

"Good," Vlad said. "So, you guys, I can tell you how I think this will go down. I called Katherine before I came over here. I did because I've known her for years, and know that she doesn't really have a problem with gays, she just doesn't want details. John's another story. He seems to dislike most... "groups." She's really pissed at him and has told him so. Katherine's got the balls in that twosome, believe me. His only claim to fame is her. She does the work, makes the money, keeps them going. He's got a gallery because of her success. Anyway, what matters is that she's not against you, but it's sensitive because of who Neil Allen is. She loves her rich friends so has to dance around things a lot. She's going to do her best to diffuse what's happened with her other rich friends that might otherwise be persuaded never to buy another Adam Lambert painting. Let's face it, those rich Texans are important, but there are other rich people too who don't care about the personal issues."

"So, why would she do that for me, for us?" Adam asked.

"It's simple, Adam. She thinks you're a great artist. I know what she thinks of the portrait you did of Kris. I think I detected actual jealousy. She knows good when she sees it. Katherine's always supported artists but only the good ones. She's very much the snob that way. Adam, she thinks you're good, that's all that matters."

"Okay. See, Kris, it's not that bad."

Kris shrugged, "Okay, I guess."

"The other thing, Adam, is that the artists will support you too, and the gays will, and the celebrities don't care at all, a lot of them are gay anyway, just very closeted. You'd be surprised at who, or maybe you wouldn't, Adam."

"I lived in L.A. for a while, Vlad. I know about the movie stars," Adam said, smiling.

"My advice, Adam, after considering everything, is that it might be good for you and Kris to get away for a while. Let things die down. It wouldn't be such a big deal if it wasn't for Neil Allen. He could make things pretty bad for both of you. You will have support here, Adam, but there will be the other side too."

Adam looked at Kris with a question in his eyes. Kris returned the look. Adam thought he looked troubled. "You may be right. I don't know right this minute what I think. I don't know why it has to be so complicated."

"I don't either but it is," Vlad said quietly. "Have you been to San Francisco?"

"Yeah, I spent some time there."

"It might suit both of you right now. You'll be accepted and you can continue painting and Kris can pursue music if he wants to."

"We could always come back sometime, when things have settled down."

"But Adam, you love it here," Kris said looking very upset. "I don't want you to leave. It's your home now."

"I'd leave with you, Kris," Adam said.

"Okay, guys, I've got to go. Let me know what you're going to do. Don't worry too much. I wish it was a different world," Vlad said sadly.

"Thanks. I'll see you out," Adam said getting up and slowly letting go of Kris's hand, which he realized he'd been holding onto for dear life.

When Adam returned to the living room, he went to the fireplace and started a fire even though it was summer. "I need a fire and another drink."

They sat side by side on the couch holding hands while staring into the bright flames. It was a cool night in the mountains and the fire felt good.

"What do you think, Kris? What would you like to do?" Adam asked.

"I'm realizing it wouldn't be easy for me to leave. I've spent my life here. But I love you more than I care about that. I think I'd go anywhere with you."

Adam put his arm around Kris and kissed the back of his head. "If there's anyplace that would work it would be San Francisco. It's just beautiful. Very different than Santa Fe but vibrant and alive the same as it is here. I think you'd like it. And there's music everywhere. There'd be so many possibilities for you."

"I can get a job too. I'm not afraid to do that."

"You can if you want to. It doesn't matter to me. Money is not a problem for me and I don't want it to be for you either. I want to share everything with you."

"I'm not much of a taker, Adam."

"I know that but please let me, just this once, take care of someone. You have a lot of talent. You'll be successful and probably make lots more money than I do. I know you'd share with me."

"I would, oh yeah, well, I will," Kris said smiling. "Meanwhile I'll get a job."

"Stubborn little cowboy, aren't you?" Adam laughed.

They sat together quietly for a while mesmerized by the dancing fire, feeling the warmth, and caught up in the day's emotions.

"Kris, you know what?"

"What?"

"I'm happy, baby."

"Why so happy?"

"I'm happy your parents know about us. We're free now. I didn't realize I'd feel so free."

"Hiding doesn't work does it?"

"No, it really doesn't. I'm tired of being afraid all the time."

"I'm tired of not being myself all the time."

"Yeah. But now you are. I love you, Kris. I really love you."

"Ah, Adam," Kris said, his voice hitching a little. "There is nothing more true for me than I love you too. I really would go anywhere with you."

"I've waited for you for a long time. I don't know if I deserve someone like you, someone who's both hot and nice, pretty and kind, someone with a heart. You have a really big heart, baby."

"You have passion, Adam, and your love fills my heart, that's why it's so big. Is that too sappy?"

"Yeah but I like it," Adam said and grinned. "You are sweet."

"And you are too...sweet."

"Okay let's seal the deal," Adam said pouring out two more drinks. "Here's to Adam and Kris who wish to live in love and happiness forever."

"Your child-like enthusiasm is catching," Kris smiled. "To us, together no matter where we find ourselves. Here's to love."

"You getting sleepy, baby?"

"Yeah, a little."

"Okay, before I ravish your perfect body let's make plans for moving tomorrow. I think I'll keep the house and close it up. Vlad can keep an eye on it for me. Maybe he can find an artist who'd like to rent it. I'm hoping we can come back at some point. I'm not ready to give up entirely on Santa Fe."

"Great idea."

"Okay, so tomorrow we'll work on closing it all down and moving what's important. Everything else I just want to leave as is. Would you please kiss me now? I can't wait another minute."

"Like this?" Kris asked, kissing Adam softly.

"Yeah, just like that." Adam pulled Kris up from the couch, put his arm around him and started walking him down the hallway to the bedroom. "Come with me my little cowboy. I know just what you need."

 

Chapter 12

San Francisco, CA 1975

In late January, 1975, Adam Lambert turned 34. He had lived with Kris in San Francisco for six years, four of them in their huge Victorian home in the Castro. The house was large enough for both of them to have their own studio and still have plenty of space and not feel closed in. They'd found the house on one of their walks through the neighborhood they were most comfortable in. In the Castro they could hold hands, even share a kiss and no one would bother them. The idea of being so free was so novel to them that they flaunted it for a while.

On one afternoon walk they'd seen the house. There wasn't much to look at then. It was old and rundown and needed a lot of work. Many houses in the neighborhood needed work but slowly the gays were buying and renovating them. The old house caught Adam's artist's eye and he stopped and said to Kris, "This should be ours. It's huge. We could do so much with it."

"Looks like a lot of work to me. Maybe you can see what I don't."

Adam looked into it and found out that the owner might be persuaded to sell. He took Kris to look at it again and they both fell in love with what it could be.

"We'll gut it and start over. We can both have a studio. Look at the view from this room. This could be the master bedroom and we could build a deck and have this view every day."

"I bet you even know the colors you'd paint it."

"Yeah. I can see it, baby. Let's make an offer. We need the space. You need a studio and I need a much bigger studio space and a real kitchen."

They'd been renting in an old duplex. The apartment was in another old Victorian but their space was limited and Adam had to rent a separate space for his studio. "It's a really good investment. This will be worth a lot of money in a few years. There's even a small back yard where we could build a patio. That would be awesome."

They'd spent a year on renovations before they moved in. Adam was like a child in a toy shop who got to play with all the toys. He built his dream kitchen and decorated the entire house. Now, after living in the house for three years they both felt very comfortable and very lucky to have found it.

Adam was in the large walk-in closet trying on outfits. Kris was taking him out to one of his favorite restaurants and dancing after so Adam wanted to look his best. Being in San Francisco had turned him on to the joys of clothes and he'd become a veteran shopper, much to Kris's amusement. Kris had a few more clothes but kept his plaid shirts buried away and snuck one on from time to time when Adam wasn't looking. Adam would roll his eyes and tell him it was his life and he could wear plaid if he wanted to.

"Adam," Kris yelled from the stairs. "Are you ready? I made a reservation and the car will be here soon.

"Yeah, I guess I am," Adam said as he turned around in the closet wearing the latest outfit. "It's hard to decide what to wear."

"You have too many clothes. But you look great in that," Kris said smiling. "Really great."

"Really? I want to look nice. You look nice. Aw, you're wearing the pendant, the Chinese pendant."

"I love it. You know I do." Kris held out his hand. "C'mon, let's go, there's going to be traffic, there always is." Kris had hired a car for their night out and it was waiting for them when they went downstairs.

The staff at the Cliff House knew Adam and Kris well and had a private table with a view set aside for them. After they'd been seated and ordered drinks, Kris said to Adam, "Don't worry about the menu tonight. I had a special meal prepared just for you, everything you like, small portions of your favorites."

"Have I told you today that I love you?" Adam said.

"Yes. I always feel it, Adam, always. Here's to you. Happy thirty-fourth!"

"Thank you. Mmm...I love this place. Good food is one of the best things about being in San Francisco. I do kind of miss green chili though. And desert vistas. Open spaces. And the way the sunlight makes things look. Do you miss it?"

"Sometimes, yeah. But I'd rather be with you, free with you."

"It was hard at first wasn't it? An adjustment."

"Yeah, it's a really different way of living, almost like being in a foreign country."

"You're a famous musician now," Adam said and grinned. "I knew you had it."

"You were the only one," Kris said laughing. "I really can't imagine my life if I'd never tried this."

"I guess we both grew up a little," Adam said looking out at the lights in the distance shining through the dark night. "I'd been here and knew what to expect and I did worry a little that you might not take to it. I think it took you a while."

"People are so open here, it's different. I couldn't believe I could hold your hand in public."

"Yeah, well don't you try that down on the peninsula. Some day, hopefully, but not yet."

"It's okay, at least no one bothers us where we are."

"My favorite memory from when we were newly arrived was when we went out to clubs and I could finally ask you to dance with me. I had always wanted to dance with you, ya know, and I couldn't and I hated it."

"I'm not much of a dancer. I really like slow dances though."

"Mmm...I know you do, baby. I also like watching you move to the music. You do much better than you think you do."

"I watch you and I kind of get it after a while. I better dance with you otherwise the boys will be all over you. You know they will be."

"You should talk. I'm the one who should be jealous. You don't know how cute you are. You don't see how they look at you. You're oblivious."

"I only have eyes for you," Kris said smiling slyly.

"I'm so excited we're going dancing tonight. I want to drink way too much and dance the night away."

"I'm up for it," Kris grinned.

"You're being nice."

"Maybe. I like making you happy."

"That was a great dinner. You really know me. You've really learned your wines too. Really good."

"I have one more special wine for you."

"Really? A desert wine?"

"Yeah, it's coming right up. Here it is. A nice 1962 Chateau d'Yquem."

"Wow, this is like gold."

"You like?"

"Yeah, I like."

"Happy birthday, Adam. Don't cry, baby."

"I'm not, it's just sweet, you and the wine," Adam said smiling.

"A beautiful wine for a beautiful man."

"Thank you, baby."

After dinner they went out to a few of their favorite clubs in the Castro. It was very late and they were having a last slow dance. "Mmm...you feel so good, Kris."

Kris ran his hands up Adam's arms and then kissed him slowly, softly. "So do you, beautiful. I need to get you home for very selfish reasons."

"Oh, well, what might those selfish reasons be, let's see." Adam said grinning. "Tell me," he whispered.

"Before or after you lose all those gorgeous clothes?"

"Both."

"First, my hands would go under your shirt, like this."

"Uh oh."

"Oh yeah, uh oh is right. Then I'd press up against you, just like this, and kiss your neck like this."

"Will this song never end?"

"As much as I hate to let you go, even for a minute, yeah, will it never end?"

They both laughed at that. Adam put his arm around Kris and said, "We're out of here."

They were both pretty drunk when they got home. Their driver dropped them off and they had a rather difficult time getting the front door open. "I thought you had the keys," Adam said.

"I thought you did, oh wait, maybe I do...oh, okay."

"They won't work unless you put them in the lock first," Adam said laughing.

"I've got it, Adam," Kris said laughing too. "It's right here, somewhere."

"Here. It's right here." Adam was laughing hysterically.

"Sshhh, Adam. Oops, wrong key. Or wrong lock?"

"Really, baby, here, let me help," Adam said, sinking to the porch laughing.

"I'll try this one. Uh oh. Who took my keys, hmmm?"

"You are precious. I'm going to remind you about this. You better be nice to me."

"Shut up, Adam. I've got it. See...ooops, did someone fall into the doorway?"

Adam was laughing again so Kris started tickling him to make him laugh more. "Stop, stop it, nooo...Kris, c'mon," Adam laughed and pulled Kris down on top of him. "I'm gonna get you for that."

"I sure hope you do, c'mon, Adam, try and get me," Kris said pushing up off the floor and heading toward the stairs.

"Oh no you don't," Adam yelled, getting up, closing the door and chasing after Kris. "You know I'm going to catch you."

Adam caught him next to the bed and pushed Kris down, landing on top of him. Adam flipped him over and held him down. "Now I will have my way with you."

"Please, please do," Kris panted and started kissing Adam like he'd never kissed him before, hard, sloppy, needy.

Adam growled and started biting Kris's neck, his ears, licked his mouth, kissed him hard, then started licking his face and down his neck. Kris was wriggling and moaning while trying to get some of Adam's clothes off. "Adam...clothes, off."

Adam undressed Kris, then himself, moaning when he felt skin on skin. He continued biting and licking his way down Kris's chest, stopping at each nipple, licking circles then biting. His hand found Kris's dick, then his own. He started stroking them together causing Kris to moan louder. He grabbed Adam by the hair, pulling his mouth towards his and kissed him until they were both breathless.

Adam slipped two fingers into Kris's ass, sighing as he did so. "You're so ready for me, baby."

"Just fuck me, Adam, please."

Adam slammed into Kris. "Like that?"

"Ahh...please...more."

They became lost in the heat of the moment, the exquisite intimacy of feeling and giving so much pleasure to the other. The sounds in the room were primal, as old as time, as they peaked and fell into each other.

"Jesus, Adam..."

"I'm so in love with you, Kris. Sometimes...sometimes I almost can't handle it, what I feel."

"I know. I feel so close to you, Adam. So close and it's so good."

For a long time after moving to San Francisco with Kris, Adam had worried that he might be tempted to cheat on Kris, that he wouldn't be able to stop his need for risky, one-shot sexual encounters. What if I can't live without being on the edge from time to time? he wondered. Temptation was everywhere, in the bars, in the bathhouses, in the open nature of the City itself.

So he worried for a while, but what happened was that Kris was all that he needed. Kris was never less than exciting to him and had been willing to have sex with Adam in some pretty strange places. It was almost like Kris knew and he was determined to be all that Adam needed. Kris never acted jealous and Adam wondered if he ever was because when they went out it was obvious that Adam could have anyone he wanted.

The funny thing was that Adam was frequently jealous of Kris since he attracted lots of looks. Adam wasn't sure if Kris realized this or if he just pretended he didn't. It made for an interesting dynamic because in a sense Kris had the upper hand and Adam knew it. Adam was simply not willing to betray Kris in any way. I love him, Adam always thought. I just love him.

San Francisco, Ca 1980

Adam and Kris both became famous during the next five years. Adam had reached a level where he thought that finally he might be more than a footnote in the history of art. He and Kris traveled together so that Adam could find what he needed to paint and so that Kris could be inspired to continue writing songs. They slowly traveled the world and never tired of it.

Kris also did concerts, though only a few now, and did not tour for any length of time. "I don't need to tour to do what I want, Adam. I'd rather be with you."

Adam always appreciated that and knew that it had a lot to do with their longevity together. Adam needed to be with Kris. Kris fills this void in me, this empty space I have, Adam would think. I make his life fun with my craziness and he gives me the stability I need.

Adam produced many one-man shows while Kris produced songs and won several Grammy awards. They always went to L.A. together for the award shows and Kris always went to Adam's one-man shows. It was in L.A. that they discovered the joys of beaches. On one trip they stayed at Venice Beach and decided that somewhere in their future was a beach house.

After returning to San Francisco from the Grammy show in 1980, Kris received a phone call from his mother. He hadn't heard from either of his parents in all his years away from Santa Fe. Adam had asked Kris many times about his parents.

"I'm fine with it not seeing them, Adam," Kris said.

"You're sure? You were such a part of their life."

"I know, I guess I miss my mom. Not my dad though. He threw me out, threw it all away. All because..."

"Of me."

"Not you, no, because of me, because I was in love with you. He didn't even try to understand."

"I know. Maybe you could get in touch with your mom. Might be a step in the right direction."

"You live fine without your parents, don't you?"

"Um...yeah, I do but that's because there really is no other choice. They're not interested in me, Kris."

"Have you ever tried talking to them about it?"

"No."

"Maybe they've changed."

"Maybe your parents have changed too."

"Point taken but I'm not ready to go there."

"It's all really just sad, Kris. We're all getting older but I'm not sure about the wiser part."

"You are my rock, Adam. Is that rock cracking a little?"

"Maybe," Adam said shrugging. "Okay, baby. You can be the strong, silent type if you like but I think that it hurts you way down in there. Yeah, I think it does."

"I love you, Adam. I need you."

"I know. I feel the same way."

Thoughts about his conversations with Adam ran through his mind on the day Adam handed him the phone and told him it was his mother wanting to talk with him. "I'll go find something to do. Call me if you need me, baby," Adam said, worrying a little about the shocked expression on Kris's face.

Kris looked at Adam very solemnly and took the phone. "Hello, mom. Yes, it's me."

When Adam returned he found Kris standing on the deck off the bedroom. He was very still looking at the bay shimmering in the distance. When he heard Adam he said, "This view has always reminded me of the one from our rock in Santa Fe, the one that goes on forever until it hits the Sangre de Christo mountains."

"Yeah, it is similar just not as distant. The bay runs into Marin County. Are you okay?"

"I want a scotch or something."

"You don't drink during the day."

"Today I want to."

"Oh, okay. I'll get you something."

Kris still hadn't moved when Adam returned for a second time with a bottle of scotch and two glasses. He poured out two drinks and handed one to Kris. "Here, baby, you look like you need this."

Kris gulped it down and asked for another.

"Is it that bad?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want to tell me?" Adam put his hand on Kris's cheek and looked into his eyes. "You can tell me."

Kris sighed. "She found me through Vlad. I guess I'm glad she did. My dad's sick, Adam. It's cancer and it's bad and he won't last long."

"I'm sorry," Adam said while running a finger down Kris's cheek.

"She wants me to see him, to try and make it right. But, Adam, what if he doesn't want to make it right?"

"Did she say he wouldn't?"

"No. She said she thought he would...forgive me and all. Like I need forgiving." He laughed a little. "She said he's always missed me and regretted driving me away."

"You know I don't think you need forgiving, Kris but I guess it's time to make some peace while you still can."

Kris had tears in his eyes as he looked at Adam. "Will you go with me? I won't go without you."

Adam brushed a tear away. "Of course I'll go with you, though I doubt your dad will want to see me. But I'll be right there, okay?"

"Okay, Adam, I'll go."

"Don't worry about anything, baby. I'll make all the arrangements. Let's fly out tomorrow. The house is rented right now but we can stay at the La Fonda. I'll call Vlad and let him know we'll be there."

"Thank you, Adam."

"I love you and it's going to be okay." Adam hugged Kris like he had a thousand times before, thinking how it never got old, how it always felt so good to be so close to him.

Adam went to his office and made arrangements at both ends. Afterward, he sat back in his chair and thought about his own parents. When we get back, maybe I'll call my mother, just to see. He realized that there was nothing more to lose and possibly something to gain.

 

Chapter 13

Santa Fe, New Mexico, 1981

 

Adam was excited. He and Kris were going home to Santa Fe. They weren't sure how long they'd stay but they both missed it. The house would be empty in the early spring and so they arranged to go back. The house was still fully furnished and much as they'd left it years ago. They'd only need to ship their work things, Adam's studio equipment and Kris's music things. They'd decided to go back, at least for a while, after Kris's father had died.

Adam knew Kris was worried about his mom. "I'm glad I got to say goodbye to my father, that we made a little peace anyway, but my mom is still here, and she's going to need some help. She loved my dad and I don't think she knows what to do with herself. Would you consider living in Santa Fe for a while so I can help her out?"

Adam thought that was a great idea and that it also was time to go back. They'd been away long enough. "I'm really glad now that I kept the house. It wouldn't be the same going back without it. I fell in love with you there. Do you realize, Kris, it will be our twelve year anniversary? Do you remember the first time you met me?"

"I will never forget meeting you, Adam, never," Kris said smiling.

"You were so quiet. I wasn't sure you liked me or even if you liked guys the way I did," Adam said laughing. "Lucky me 'cause you did," he said planting a little line of kisses down Kris's gorgeous neck.

"I wonder if it will feel the same, being there after so much time."

"I hope so, don't see why not. By the way, your mom is being so nice to make sure it's all ready for us. You know what was amazing when we were there was seeing your portrait hanging in the living room. They both obviously wanted it there. That's good to know."

"She told me how much they both liked it. Even my dad liked it. As for her now, she needs things to do. You know...she's lonely. She doesn't know what to do with herself really. I want to help her out somehow."

"We'll think of something," Adam said. "Maybe some art or music lessons, trips to San Francisco and L.A?"

"She's always loved art of all kinds. Yeah, we could introduce her to our artist friends."

"I think they'd like her, Kris. She's really interesting. I always thought she might be, before I got the chance to have a real conversation with her. We could have a party for her."

"I think she'd like that. She's not that old...what...65...that's not old."

"Hell, Vlad's over 50 and Katherine is definitely that old."

The day they returned they'd hired a small plane to take them to Santa Fe from the Albuquerque airport. Everything they needed had already been shipped and was waiting for them at the house. "I kind of hated closing down the San Francisco house, Adam. Do you think we should have rented it?"

"No, I want it available for when we want to go back. We have a good caretaker so I think it'll be fine. It is kind of sad though. What's hard is I love both places but I want to be in Santa Fe for a while. I love working here."

"Yeah, it's a tough call. We have roots in two places. Well, maybe we can just go back and forth when we feel like it. Why not? We can use the Taos house too anytime we want."

"And we've been wanting a beach house forever."

"Too many great places, not enough time," Kris said laughing. "You always did like moving around though, didn't you?"

"Yeah, it suits me actually, gets my juices going. I think it's a good thing. We're lucky. Let's not even think about the whole rest of the world, okay?"

"Nope, this is enough for my plate. We can always go to Tahiti or Paris if we're in the mood."

"Yeah, we can, baby. Ooh, look, there's the mountains and our little village," Adam said.

"You're like a little kid, Adam."

"It's just so much fun. I see you smiling."

"I've got everything in the world. How could I not smile? Mostly, I just love you."

"Aw, I love you too. Kiss me. Remember our first mile high club adventure?"

"Adventure? Yeah, that it was. As good as climbing any mountain."

"Oh, better than that!" Adam was looking around. "Do you think?" He felt Kris' hand rubbing his dick through his jeans, then heard a little zipping sound, then Kris was stroking him hard.

"Jesus, Kris...look at you, acting all innocent."

"Me? Just for that..."

Adam felt Kris mouth devour him. He looked towards the pilot and realized he wasn't paying attention to them and it was really noisy so he couldn't hear them unless they yelled. It was a small plane but there were two empty seats in front of them.

"You are the devil, Kris Allen."

"Mmm hmm," Kris mumbled and sucked Adam harder. Adam's hands were in Kris's hair and he couldn't help but push his head down until he felt his dick in the back of Kris's throat. Kris was moving frantically and so was Adam until he came hard down Kris's throat mumbling obscenities as quietly as he could.

Kris swallowed and licked Adam clean. He zipped Adam back up, patted his leg and said, "Good boy."

Adam laughed and said, "You always know what I need. How do you do that?"

"I just know you," Kris said smirking a little. "Are we there yet?"

When they got to the house on Canyon Road Adam insisted on picking Kris up and carrying him over the threshold. He took a few steps inside and swung him around saying, "We're home, baby. Just look at it!"

Adam put Kris down, brought in their bags and closed the gate. They stood there taking it in. It had been so long but the courtyard was the same, exactly the same and brought back so many good memories. They headed toward the house and the door opened. Kim was standing there smiling at them. "Hello, boys, welcome home!" She hugged Kris first then Adam. "It's so good to see you both. I hope you don't mind my being here. I wanted to make sure it was perfect and I really wanted to welcome you home. This is your home too."

"Yes, it is, Mom. Thanks for getting the house ready."

"You know I love doing it. How are you both? Did you have a good trip?"

Adam said, "The trip was great, especially that part over the mountains up here, really great." He looked at Kris and smirked and swore Kris looked like he might hit him or something.

"Well come on in. All your things arrived. I had them put it all in the studio. I hope that's okay."

"That's great, Mom. What do I smell?"

"Well I had to make you something. It's hard to come home to a house with no food. I made your favorite chili. I bet you've missed your green chili."

"I sure have," Adam said smiling. "That smells really good. I don't understand why some of those cooking genes didn't rub off on you, Kris."

Kris did hit Adam then. "I have other skills though."

"That you do," Adam said smiling wickedly.

Later, after Kim had gone home, and after Adam and Kris had looked all around their house, finding things they remembered but had forgotten, Adam said to Kris, "I want to go to our rock. The light will be just perfect by the time we get there."

Kris looked at Adam a little quizzically and said, "Okay, yeah, I love our rock. Mom said the truck was running fine. Shall we?"

When they got to their vista they ran from the truck. Adam scrambled up first then held out his hand for Kris. They put their arms around each other and stood and looked out on this very special world. White puffy clouds still dotted the blue sky. It was almost the color of turquoise in the fading light. Just a hint of reds and oranges were starting their slide up over the distant mountains.

Adam said, "I used to feel so insignificant up here, so small, so inadequate in the vastness of it all. Then I found you, and I started not to feel that way, and now I don't feel that at all. I feel like I fit in, Kris, me...I fit into it all. I found out about love because of you. That's what I was missing, that's the most important part of the puzzle. Being here with you I know everything's going to be all right."

"Ah, Adam, it was your beauty that dazzled me at first. But it's your beautiful soul that keeps inspiring me. Is it possible to keep loving someone more and more?"

"Yeah, it is, 'cause I feel that. I think you're the kindest person I've ever known. You're the perfect combination of hot and kind. Looking into your eyes is like looking into the vastness of the desert."

"Turning into a poet are you?"

"Okay, yeah, I know, but I mean it. I never could have imagined a life this good. I guess I express myself better in painting, huh?"

"Possibly, but I love your poetry too, Adam.

"Maybe you could write a melody and I could write the lyrics? We could try."

"Great idea. We'll do it. This family needs a few more Grammys."

"I need a few more kisses. Right now. You know you want to."

"It's been hours since I was kissed. Go for it, beautiful."

"Kris?"

"Yeah, Adam."

"I love you."

"So I guessed. I love you too, babe."

"I know."


End file.
